Metaverse, Reality, or Twilight Zone

Proceed with caution.  The thoughts below are my own opinions, and in this highly volatile and political climate we find ourselves in these days, I'm sure it will be offensive to some.

I don’t know about you, but I sometimes miss the good old days before the internet. Some days I'm not so sure we aren't living in the Twilight Zone. 

We live in a world now where you can create your own reality.  Facts are whatever you believe and anyone that disagrees with you is a sheep deceived by fake news.  You can find anything on the internet to support your version of the facts since someone put it out there it must be true.  They don’t have to present legitimate credentials, experience, or expertise to back up anything they say.  They just have to say it, post it, and suddenly it’s true and any evidence counter to it is just false. This is our new reality, or thanks to Facebook, the new ‘Metaverse’ we live in.  While Mark Zuckerberg wants you to think of the Metaverse as something different from Facebook where you essentially have an avatar and can go have fun around the world from the comfort of your own home for a fraction of the cost, we have been living in alternative reality for years and years now thanks to Facebook.   The pandemic has just amplified it since people somehow had nothing better to do with their time than fall into the Internet abyss.

People are now morally conflicted about a vaccine because of the unsubstantiated 'research' they have found to support their created reality.  They are no longer morally conflicted about what’s best for the greater good of society and those most vulnerable in it.  A public health issue has been politicized, and so we can only get into a self-righteous argument about which stance is morally superior if we are to discuss it.  They aren’t antivax in their version of reality because they have all their childhood immunizations and so do their kids.  They just need more time to feel comfortable, and thank God they didn't hit the death lottery when they or their kids actually got Covid that one time.  Followed by 'thoughts and prayers' for those that have lost a loved one, or more fake news they were all going to die anyway.  They have ‘done their research’ even though they don’t have the training, expertise, jobs, or resources to actually ‘do the research.’  But the people that do can't be trusted and are just lying or publishing altered results in order to push something that is 'unnatural' on us.  For a purpose that still hasn't ever been articulated to me.  Meanwhile there is nothing ‘unnatural‘ about ingesting a pharmaceutical at the advice of Joe Rogan or other blow hards on tv or radio, none of whom have any training, experience, or expertise in pharmaceuticals or medical science.  They are instead patriots standing up for freedom and being persecuted for it.  Now in the face of vaccine mandates, they are morally conflicted about whether to support their families or stand by their convictions and leave their jobs.  Providing for one's family is not something anyone should be morally conflicted about.  And I don't know if it is a truly a useful exercise for those that are able to work from home and don't have to interact with the public given all of the misinformation polluting the Internet right now along and the inability to by many to cut through the clutter.  Most weren't taught about discerning nonsense on the Internet in school. 

Let me tell you what is real.  I work in corporate America now (not for Facebook/Meta) and many of my colleagues in my division were just fired, laid off, told they didn’t align with organizational changes that were taking place.  Six months earlier they were told the new boss coming in was told it wasn't a rebuild or division that needed to be fixed.   Five months later after an assessment period, in a matter of hours our lives are changed forever.   There was never any opportunity to discuss if there was a good fit for any of them that made sense in the new structure.   To make matters worse my impacted employees told me when they received the news.  This shook me to my core. I didn’t know it was coming.  My boss didn’t know it was coming.  And yet we survived what I can only describe as a blitzkrieg attack, the likes of which I have not experienced before now. 

That is real.  I saw it happen. HR didn’t help or advise me or others how to address what happened with our surviving team members.  I didn't know when they were hit if any of the others were next.   I was called to a meeting that basically laid out the new structure and confirmed it was over.  That was when I found out how many were impacted and it was many more than I had even heard about to that point.  I called my surviving team together and broke down in front of them as I shared the news and told them I had no clue, and how I felt like an ass for trying to allay any concerns or fears only the day before advising them to treat rumors as just that. I apologized for how this happened and went down.  I apologized for not maintaining composure. 

I got the crass emails from the system at the end of the day to go over the termination checklist to transfer data etc. from them.  Their system access was cut off well before that could be done because one of them tried.  I told them not to worry about it.  Those emails were followed by the system emails that their terminations were ‘successfully completed.’   A termination that neither my employees nor I had initiated.  So those words are ironic, callous, and robotic for such a traumatic event. It happened to them. It happened to others.  It happened to me.  

I’m still trying to provide for my family.  And I am now living with survivor's guilt because I am genuinely relieved I didn’t lose my job.  I am grieving for those that did.  I will return and I will support and participate in the rebuild, until a I have an exit strategy or alternative offer, because I have a family to support.  I don't have to agree with how it was executed to support the future.  This is real and this is hard.  But I have no delusion that I should ever feel comfortable as I watch the top leaders make moves that serve their future positions at the expense of average everyday grunt workers and low level managers that live paycheck to paycheck.   

I also live in a reality where my second X chromosome is considered weak because I got emotional.  Sure I had my game face on in the meeting with leadership that I was summoned to, but not with my team, and I should have handled it like the Y chromosome would.  I live in a reality where, thanks to a form a feminism I don't subscribe to, those that came before me said we are the same as or better than men.  Indeed if we want to be men by all means we can turn ourselves into them and our 'dreams will come true.'   They chose that route rather than fighting for equality where it matters and celebrating the strengths we each (XX & XY) bring to the table and embracing the differences that come with the 2nd X chromosome.  We are expected to be stepford wives, stepford mothers, and stepford leaders all at the same time.  They created an expectation that is impossible to live up to if you want to join the ranks of executive leadership in the work place.  And for those that actually do, they are royal bitches that lack empathy and compassion.  So you're either weak or a bitch, and it is possible to be a weak bitch.  But you can never be a great or even good enough leader, because let's face it, that's still men's work first and bitches work second, all others need not apply.  Depending on your perspective or maybe upbringing, one is better than the other.  This is the world I'm trying to raise my daughter in.   I hope she never feels compelled to apologize for what comes with her second X chromosome, or that she somehow handled a situation poorly because of what came naturally with it.  I'm optimistic that as the pendulum swings, she will have an experience better than mine, and gracefully contribute to a better experience and work environment for the women and men that come after her.  

Finally I live in a reality where "Me Too" cherry picks some bad behavior and gives passes to others.  As long as Q (or is it god?) ordained them to save the world from all the evil in it, then their "Me Too" behavior gets a pass.  Also this person suddenly cares deeply for the average person in spite of the fact that his business and personal actions demonstrate he only cares about himself.  I was taught that actions speak louder than words, and I still believe that.  

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Metaverse.  I just have one question Mark Zuckerberg, when your vision for the Metaverse is realized, is it still rape if it happened there?  

For those that once had or still have identity in Christianity, your (our) religion has been hijacked.  Though since history repeats itself, this certainly isn't the first time.  The Bible is full of wisdom about not being deceived (Mathew 24, Mark 13, and Luke 21).  It also says the two greatest commandments (Matthew 22:36-39) are: 

    1. To love the Lord your God with all you heart, soul, and mind. 

    2. To love your neighbor as yourself.  

Notice it doesn’t say to love yourself first then them.  And if you’re unclear on who your neighbor is, go watch the documentaries on Mr. Rogers.  He understood it well and taught it to many of us. 

The Bible also says pure and undefiled religion is to care for widows, orphans, and strangers (also known as refugees and qualify as your neighbor)  (Matthew 25:31-46 and James 1:27 among others). 

You don't have to be a Christian to find these to be good principles to live by, or to find resources other than the Bible that teach these principles.  If 'we' spent as much time learning and living these principles and less time with cultivating passion and distress caused by own personal self involved Metaverses, maybe, just maybe this world can be a better place for you and for me in the few short years in our lifespans that we have left on it.  How do you want to be remembered?

What's In A Name?

Before our daughter came along, I naively thought I had 100% naming rights, particularly for a girl.  Because my mother didn't teach me otherwise.  Obviously!  So much so, that in college I got a tattoo and justified it as for my future daughter if I had one.  And because my future husband, whom I hadn't met yet, would LOVE the name! Again Obviously!  I have no regrets, but I have a tattoo of a daisy and no daughter or even dog to date to call Daisy Sunshine.  My daughter is aware that I wanted to name her that, and I sometimes call her Daisy Sunshine, which she emphatically says "NO! that's not my name!" It will always be your name in a parallel yet alternative dimension or universe where your father agrees with my tattoo. 

Naming a child is such an awesome responsibility.  You can set them up for years of teasing with the wrong name or the wrong set of initials.  You could potentially set them up for prejudgment on an resume that might cause them to get weeded out from getting an interview.  You could inadvertently rub salt in a friend's fresh wounds by choosing a name they had chosen for their baby that didn't survive.  A word of advice for you young, immature, awkward types.  Even if they didn't offer the information, don't ever be afraid to ask your friend if they'd picked out a name after they suffer such loss.  It might better show you care, than delicately tiptoeing awkwardly around their pain and grief. 

Before we had confirmation we were having a girl, we started talking names, and it was then that my husband established unlimited veto power that either of us could exercise for any name for any reason.  We came up with two lists, one for boys and one for girls, simply because it's kind of fun to talk names.  You learn more about your spouse in these conversations too.  I'm pretty sure we settled on Colby Jack for a boy, however, I know my husband would tell you he vetoed the Jack part of the name because our son could not be named that intentionally for cheese.  However since we didn't have a boy, I can maintain whatever story I want, and I'm sticking to it!

When we got the news we were having a girl, the conversation blew up.  We went through so many names followed by an interrogation whenever either one of us would exercise a veto.  However neither of us were ever satisfied with each others explanations.  But a veto is a veto, and you either respect the rules or create unnecessary chaos before even bringing a child into the world.  And let me tell you, I kept trying to put Daisy back on the table over and over, and he never waivered.   I still don't understand it to this day, but you don't have to understand a veto.  To be clear there was no disagreement over passing along my middle name to her.  He was on board with that from the beginning. 

We narrowed it down to our top two names and didn't make a decision until we checked into the hospital and they wrote her name on the board.  While we liked both names, we thought one was more classic than our second choice and there was no further discussion.  We both knew by then which one we wanted.  Now if I'd had the privilege of hindsight, and bothered to be a good friend, her name would be Piper Sunshine.  Which let's be honest, is almost as cute as Daisy Sunshine, but not quite.  

The only other discussion we had to settle on was the spelling of her name since there so many ways to spell her name.  I let my husband's logic win out because in the end it was the pronunciation I cared about.  His rational was that Madelyn was the simplest and most obvious way to spell her name.  Well the joke is on him, because people still spell it Madeleine, Madelynn, Madeline first.   Even after I spell it correctly, many people will still misspell it back to me.   So that will never end and it is what it is.  That makes them awkward not me. 

All that to say it generally takes two to pick a name.  And it should never take more than two.  Just make sure to check the initials to avoid initials like FAT, MFR, BUT, PIS and others.  And make sure the full name isn't something like Ima Hogg or Richard Head.  The internet is full of information, you can always test it there to see what comes up to save your child from being the butt of jokes through out school, and good laughs in Human Resource offices through out adulthood. 

Out of the Darkness - American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

Some of you may be aware and have contributed to my community walk and fundraising efforts for this cause and organization in the past.   I'll start with how I got involved. 

I have a friend Beth, whom I worked with in Texas before we moved.  Beth and I worked together for awhile and bonded over our shared love for crack cookies (you know the kind you buy at the grocery store that are white with the thick colorful frosting on them).  On top of that she and her husband were married on my birthday (day not year), and our husbands shared a first name.  The icing on the cake was that we are both hilariously funny and found each other entertaining and a spot of joy to make our work life more enjoyable!  

A little over 5 years ago the unthinkable happened to her husband while she was returning home from a trip.  Since then she has focused some of her time and energy leading a valiant effort to get involved with this organization that has a goal to reduce the suicide rate by 20% by 2025.   She participates in and leads a team in the Austin walk every year in memory of her husband and his struggle.  Her team's name is The Jay Walkers, and this year's walk will be on October 23.  I still walk with and support her fundraising effort from afar.  If you are looking for a worthy cause, I'd like to encourage to to directly contribute to her effort and learn more about her story.  I admire her grit and the fact that she is making a difference in this world beyond her efforts for this organization!  If you are interested in getting more involved, you can use the below link to get to the organization including how to find events in your local community.  We both thank you for your thoughtful consideration and contributions!

Click here to Donate and help Beth double or triple her 2021 goal! 

Now the part of the post I really struggled with.  I personally don't and haven't struggled with suicidal thoughts, however I have had a former teacher and acquaintances from my past not survive theirs.  I have friends and acquaintances who have lost family members and friends to suicide.  The truth is, we've all have a family member, friend, teacher, or acquaintance that either struggled with various degrees of depression some to the point of ending their misery.  It's possible you just don't know it yet.  Some of those people will struggle their entire lives.  What I will say is that mental health has not been treated well in this country.  And while we've made progress in some ways, it's clear over my lifetime that mental health has become a much more common issue that we are almost indifferent or calloused when we hear or read news stories that result in the end of more lives and more beds being filled in prisons and mental health facilities. 

It's so easy to say it's because 'we've' become so inwardly focused as humanity vs thinking of ways we can be of service to others.  I could also add that we are so inwardly focused that 'we' don't care what our friends, neighbors, co-workers, classmates, or stranger in the next lane may be going through when they are not around us.  All that matters to us is what we are going through and they should give a damn about us.  We shake our fists, flip people off, or blurt out nonsense to them because they've said or done something to us that hurts us or makes us mad, and we must have the last word or action.  The reality is as medical science advances we are learning more and more about conditions, side effects of head trauma,  pharmaceutical side effects, or other things in the brain that can cause someone to logically get to suicide, being the only solution.  And we don't think twice that someone we interact with just might possibly be on the brink of getting there, or that our next words or actions to them could impact their next decision one way or the other. 

What if instead we approach everyone we cross paths with compassion, assuming that there is something in their life that they are struggling with that very day or moment, and that they could use a break from us in that very moment?  What if every time that devil on our shoulder tempts us to get irritated with the other party for not being considerate or compassionate to our personal struggles, we slapped it off our shoulder and instead offered to lend that person an ear or a hand?   What if we chose positivity when we feel most negative towards those around us?

I ran across a very interesting TEDx Talks video while looking for inspiring motivational videos to share with my team.  And it seemed relevant for this post.  "The Most Important Lesson From 83,000 Brain Scans"  Basically he says the field of psychiatry is the only medical profession that treats an organ without first taking and reviewing scans.  Essentially the lesson is that peoples brains can be changed, which can change their lives.  It's just under 15 minutes if you're interested. 

 In the event that someone comes across this searching, this is the link to their clinics. https://www.amenclinics.com/.  I am not a doctor, so I always recommend a medical professional in a time like this, so please find a doctor you trust, or at least one that someone you trust has trust in.

Additionally if you or someone you know needs help here are some additional resources:

• National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 800-273-8255
• https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Ode to Awkward Norm - RIP

The world lost a legend today.  Norm Macdonald passed today.  He was the king of the Weekend Update on Saturday Night Live.  My all time favorite anchor.  He was extremely controversial (though not in my eyes), mostly because he said what everyone was thinking, but usually crossed the line of what people considered respect.  However he indeed crossed that line with people who blew so far past the line with others, that the line couldn't be seen anymore to the point their victims received blame, shame, or whatever made up responsibility for the disrespect they received.  Bill Clinton, Michael Jackson, OJ Simpson, to name the 3 biggest butts of his brutal and smirky honesty.  How did he get so lucky to hit that jackpot of gold, constant material during his time!?  He never hesitated to call out hypocrisy surrounding them, which often left people feeling awkward about whether or not they should laugh.  OF COURSE THEY SHOULD!  His dry but shocking delivery was phenomenal, and had me laughing from week to week.  His Burt Reynolds impression torturing Will Farrell's Alex Trebek was also a highlight for me.  It's a big hat.  It's funny.  His standup lived up to his personal comedy integrity that carried on even after SNL threw him under the bus.  And while many may disagree with me, looking at the tributes this afternoon, his peers agree that he was indeed the best. 

RIP Norm! Thanks for all the laughs!  💔

Tap Tap Tap....Is This Thing On???

Well it's been a little over 10 years and I found this blog stuffed in the back corner of a dingy, dark closet all covered in dust.  I thought I'd clean it up, give it a facelift, and hopefully some new life.  There has been so much change and so many awkward adventures in the last 10 years, some of which I will discuss in future posts including:

• My only child is not spoiled.  Privileged Yes.  But not spoiled.
• I swore off Facebook. 
• Lola died (I miss her) and Bad Maggie arrived (I love her too).
• We moved across the country.
• We left tornado alley to experience our first tornado hit vs it hitting on the other side of town.
• We took up mountain biking on top of regular hiking.
• Hell hath no fury like a Texas summer....or late winter storm.
• Public health is now a political issue - Who knew???
• My career long advocation and fight for teleworking has been vindicated, and I TOLD YOU SO to my bosses that patted me on the head and told me to run along and get back to work.
• My tween daughter is rapidly approaching the most awkward phase of her life, and I'm so excited for her!
• I'm convinced I'm going through my version of a mid-life crisis.

Anyways, I don't know if anyone is still out there.  But if you are, I hope you'll join me as I dive into the awkwardness that still is, and will be part of me, as long as I live and breathe on this earth.   I have very much missed this outlet.  When I look back on what I enjoyed most growing up that gave me joy and an adrenaline rush, playing sports was at the top of the list, followed by my creative writing assignments and exploits.  And with my daughter needing us less and less, I ran across my old blogs and after reading through them, realized I've learned a bit and my perspective has changed a bit over the last 10 years.  This is the one I missed the most and still has the potential to give me a cathartic outlet that I so desperately need at this time in my life.    

So I hope to find some of you again, and maybe find a few new people that relate, debate, or just plain hate.  See what I did there.  I also enjoy awkward poetry!

Here's to our awkward future together!  

    RIP Lola                                                                      Welcome Bad Maggie

Moment of Silence

Let's go to the phones....Paul in a uh.......

Poop, Poo, Doodies

When I was younger and still very awkward, I used to talk about poo because I thought it was funny. You know like the friends episode where Chandler thinks duties is funny. That was me. "He said doodies" snicker, laugh, snort. I was not much of a lady then. I'm not so sure I'm much of one now, but I have more 'lady-like' moments now. Even though I still think doodies is funny.

Now that I have a child, I find that the majority of conversations my husband and I have are about poo.
"Did she have a poop today?"
"How many times did she poo today?"
"What did it look like?"
"What was the consistency?"
"Was it extra stinky just for you?"
"How many wipes did it take?"
"Did it require a wardrobe change?"

Who knew death could come out of a baby's butt and instill such pain on you, while at the same time producing such laughter from her? She thinks putting us through such agony is hilarious. And so it makes sense now. Doodies is funny from birth. It doesn't stop being funny to you until you have to change exploding, stinky diapers. But at that moment the humor is passed on to the next generation. And so poop will always be funny.

That said it doesn't change the fact that my husband and I don't have much else to talk about. Not that we don't talk about other things. Other topics just don't seem to dominate our conversations anymore. Is that a sign of an old married couple? I suppose. But it sure is fun to talk about poo and especially, for me, if she had an extra stinky poo just for him. It brings joy to my soul to know I am not be the only one changing extra stinky, messy diapers.