August 23, 2010

How to Get Knocked up Like a Sorority Girl

So in the event that any of you have been wondering where I've been, I've been puking my guts out and sleeping and generally feeling motivated to do as little as possible including write. Lucky you, I'm back!!!

Yes, I'm knocked up....Half-way through and just found out it's a girl! So the next several posts will be dedicated to all of the awkward crap about pregnancy my mother didn't tell me about. The puking I expected. That was about it.

So the first part to having a baby is actually conceiving. As many of you know it's not nearly as simple as going off birth control. Though my mom seemed to be under that impression. Apparently that's how it worked for her. Off a couple a months then BAM!!! What she didn't take into account is that she was in her early 20's, I'm waited until 31 to 'stop preventing.'

Anyways so I was so good that I only consumed adult beverages during the week that confirmed conception failure. Several months passed and still no luck. I decided that maybe I ought to try tracking my temperature, because this option is much cheaper than buying an ovulation kit. Plus I didn't want to lose money if it didn't work. So I started tracking my temperature. I get up at 5am during the week for work. The weekends I sleep until at least 6:30 or later, but you must take it at the same time everyday. That sucked big time. To top it off, I got sick sometime during month 2, which screwed my normal temperature way up for a week. So I gave that up. I decided it was more work then I was willing to do that early on in the 'not preventing' process. I figured I'd pick it up again if I got closer to a year out and wanted to have information to take to a doctor.

So back to the adult beverages and the title of this post. Some time later, I was about to go visit some friends and my week of confirmed failure was about to start in a couple of days, so I did invest in an 'early' pregnancy test and used that as my confirmation and peace of mind that it was ok to have a margarita or two. So I didn't worry about it and had a great time with them. Not a sorority girl amount of a good time that could get me arrested for walking around in public, but enough.

We got home on the day failure was to be confirmed, I was mowing the lawn and my back snapped and started hurting. Failure wasn't confirmed that day but my back continued to hurt. I suspected that failure hadn't happened, but as I only had 1 pregnancy test left, I didn't want to take it until my body was really ready to pass it, because again, I'm cheap, and I really really didn't want to spend the money on a new box if I didn't have to. So I waited for about 5 days before I took it again, which was exactly 1 week after I took the first one. I passed!

So moral of the story. Don't stress yourself out by trying to do everything right to get pregnant. Relax and have fun with it. And for pete's sake don't keep drinking after you confirm you're pregnant. Oh and secondary moral, don't believe those commercials about the pregnancy tests working early. It's a trick to get you to buy more tests! I should sue for false advertising, but they covered themselves with a disclaimer on the box.