February 18, 2011

Waterboarding Has Nothing on Back Labor

So I'm settling in my my new little one nearly 6 weeks post partum. She was definitely worth about 7 months worth of misery and the pain of labor. Well I don't know if I'd still be saying that without the miracle of epidurals. My mother gave birth without drugs, but she had no frame of reference for what I went through. The only advice she gave me was that she wouldn't advise going without drugs. Which I had no intention of doing.

So let me start by saying I had to be induced. Nothing started happening until my doctor came in and broke my water. The pain started and I got one drug that made me woozy but still very aware. As that started to wear off, I got another drug that my nurse told me I'd probably sleep. She couldn't have been more wrong because as soon as that drug got injected, the contraction kicked in to high gear. Let me just say I don't know what it feels like to have contractions in my belly. It was all in my back and it was excruciating pain. The worst pain I've ever felt and I had a bike accident on a boys' bike that bonked my hootie once. I've never understood why boys' bikes have that cross bar since their genitalia is at greater risk for damage should they bonk themselves.

All that crap they say about relaxing in between contractions, in order to save yourself for delivery, went out the window. There was no downtime to relax. The anesthesiologist couldn't get there fast enough. But when he did, he was my hero.

If the U.S. government wants an effective mechanism by which to get enemies to talk, then they should figure out how to induce back labor pain in anyone without them being pregnant. Then no one can bitch about it being torture since women throughout the world routinely experience this excruciating pain. I'm convinced it would make anyone talk to make it stop. Perhaps I'm just a weeny though. Either way I was greatful for the relief of an epidural. They are a gift from God.