You Will Grow a Mustache

First off the point of this blog is in no way to bash our mothers. Some things they didn't teach us because we were embarrassed to ask, or they didn't think to teach us these things because their mothers never taught them. Who knows, in some cruel way, maybe it was to toughen us up by coping with and surviving these awkward moments. I already ran this past my mom and she's well aware that it's not a shot at her. Just an attempt to laugh at some of the things we didn't think were so funny at the time. Perhaps we still don't think they were so funny, if that's the case maybe we can call this kind of a group session to discover we're not alone.

I don't know how many of your mothers taught you about mustaches, but I was always under the impression that that was one of the big differences between men and women. Men can have them and women don't. (I know this doesn't seem like a terribly awkward thing, but I'm starting out light to get the hang of this and ease everyone into the spirit of this as well as get readership going, which will take time). So when I discovered that my peach fuzz was no longer the color of a peach a couple of years ago, I didn't know what to do. Who knew that it gets darker with age?!?! Perhaps I'm the only one who didn't know. My mother never told me what to expect and how best to handle this.

Do I shave it? What if the myth turns out to be true for me that it will grow in thicker? I don't need or want my husband to see or feel stubble from me because that would be just awkward.
Do I bleach it? What if the chemicals make my lip fall off?
Do I wax it? What if this hurts like hell? What if it hurts like hell and doesn't work?
Do I pluck it? Do I really have time for this?

So first I tried bleaching but that didn't seem to last very long. I also saw some other lady that obviously bleached it which I thought made it look worse and she had blond hair on her head. It looks natural but what do I know. Anyways I thought it actually drew more attention to the upper lip area so I decided to try something else.

Plucking came next. Did you know just how painful this is!?!? Son of a!!!!! And it's agonizing because it's one little stache hair at a time and a very sensitive area. And the little canyon under the nose is worst! I kept this up for awhile but begrudgingly so. I was starting to consider shaving.

One day I was at the store and decided to get a little waxing kit. You know the kind you put in the microwave and rip off like a band aid. So after 2 uses the microwave no longer sufficiently melts the wax. And it conveniently leaves behind the dark hairs. I thought it was supposed to rip out your mustache, but instead it targets only the light hairs for removal. What rip off. I found myself still plucking. Oh, and this last time resulted in 2 little zits. As if acne didn't traumatize my pubescent years enough, it has to come back and haunt me when dealing with an aging problem!!!

So it's either plucking or perhaps trying the Nair removal and run the risk of burning my skin and having a red lip for who knows how long.

You know what, I'd be ticked off to find out that my mom didn't have a mustache and that's why she didn't teach me about this. Because daughters should never have to deal with more awkwardness than their mothers.