December 14, 2008

Babies Can Explode Poo

Many of us took babysitting jobs when we were younger to earn extra cash. My first job came at 11 and I babysat a 5 year old boy 2-3 days a week for 8 hours a day. In reality I was being paid to hang out with him, keep an eye on him, feed him, and call 911 in case of an emergency. He didn't wear diapers so no bid deal right. It was a breeze. The lesson I learned, kids are great, kids are wonderful, kids are easy.

A few years later I took the job of babysitting a baby. I didn't care for the diapers but I liked having a job. Shortly after, a 2nd baby came along in the family and then there were two.
One particular night when I went over to babysit, one of the kids was a little sick. They both might have been for all I know. But the parents weren't concerned. They'll just sleep. It'll all be fine. Well as soon as they left I'm pretty sure I remember both of them crying nonstop. (It's entirely possibly that I'm remembering the 2nd child only because the first child was so inconsolable that it seemed like two babies were crying. I know they had a 2nd baby, I just can't guarantee that it was there this particular night as my memory is terrible these days.) I did everything I possibly could to get this baby to stop crying. If only I'd brought earplugs, it might not have been so loud.

Next thing I know, I'm changing this baby's diaper and he explodes poo while the diaper is off of him!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! I WAS NOT GETTING PAID NEARLY ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF AND CLEAN UP EXPLODED POO!!! None the less, one thing my mother did teach me was to be a conscientious person and worker. A slightly lesser person would have just walked out or called 911 or perhaps even called the parents to say they were out of there in 5 minutes whether they were there or not. Not me. I probably had all kinds of horrible thoughts running through my head as I cleaned up the baby and his poo, and the surrounding casualties of his exploded poo. Remember, he exploded poo between diapers. Oh let's not forget he was still crying and screaming. You would be too if you exploded poo everywhere.

I don't ever recall my mom telling me just how disgusting babies can be. Especially when they are sick. How awkward or potentially dangerous to learn this lesson without being prepped for it. How do you explain to the parents that you are just too busy to come over again? EVER!! No matter how far in advance they call you. "Your kid pooed all over me and you didn't reimburse me for the trauma." This is the last time I remember babysitting, but that is likely because it was the most memorable babysitting session. I do know I started a tax paying job as soon as I turned 16 which would have prevented me from babysitting any more. YAY!!!

The lesson I walked away with was "I'm NEVER having kids." Loads and Loads of people have told me it's completely different when it's your own kid. Maybe, but the exploded poo still stinks regardless if it comes from your kid or not. Anyways after many many years, I've potentially softened, or not, but the new lesson to be taken away from this is to make your sons and daughters babysit a sick baby before they are allowed to date. They may need to babysit it several times. But the baby needs to scream and cry the whole time and explode poo at least once or twice. This will be the best possible birth control you can give them. Don't hesitate to give them a booster session if you think they need it.


cube said...

I've had two children and I've never had one explode poo. I did have one discover poo in her diaper and attempted to color herself and the crib with it. I was never warned about that either.

Amber Sunshine said...

Oh yes...this is another story...I saw the same thing with my cousin who's probably about 10 year younger when he was a baby. I was appalled by his wall art. So I guess I did get the warning about that on. Definately a good thing to be prepared for so you at least know there's nothing wrong with your kid :)