December 20, 2009

Christmas Commercialism

In the spirit of Christmas I decided to post about what used to be my favorite time of the year as a kid. Now it's Thanksgiving, because there are not gifts, candy, or other merchandising pressures on that Holiday. It's just a time to get together with family and friends and be Thankful for them and for life and to enjoy time with them.

Christmas should be about that universally, and if you're a Christian the birth of Christ. But as I've aged it seems like it's become more about the commercialism. Gifts this and gifts that. When I was younger and didn't have expenses I loved buying gifts for my family and friends. It gave me great pleasure to give them something that hopefully I had picked up on that they wanted or would like.

However I remember the exact moment it changed for me. I was in college and suddenly one year it became about "I want you to get me this" and "so and so is going to get me that." I didn't like being told want to get someone. It took the joy out of getting them something that I had thought of knowing them and their personality and their likes etc. That's when the fun of giving at Christmas started to leave for me. Not to mention for the next several years out of college I was broke and couldn't meet the expectations of giving to some people.

I was too dumb and at the time talentless to think of making gifts back then. But I would love to see everyone thumb their nose at the commercialism of Christmas and get creative in their gifts. Maybe it's making a meal, cookies, or bread. Maybe it's drawing or painting a picture. Maybe it's sewing or knitting something. Maybe it's building something out of wood like chair or table. Maybe it's giving your time to babysit, or mow the lawn, or clean the house. Maybe you have some other skill or talent to share with family and friends. It doesn't mean you won't spend any money, but you might spend a lot less and you put your time and heart in it.

I know many people already do this, I just wish I'd thought of this for myself a lot sooner than this year. It also takes time to change traditions in families, and sometimes you may not be successful to the point you'd like to be. It's sometimes hard to change habits cold turkey. But let's take back Christmas to make it about true giving rather than superficial giving.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!

December 6, 2009

Is Crying Because You Lost Manly?

Here's one for the guys that the ladies can maintain interest in and an have an opinion about. The premise is not "is it ok for a man to cry ever," because I will agree that there are appropriate times for a man to cry. Well in reality this should apply to women too, however it's more acceptable for women to cry for no reason or at the drop of a hat. What shouldn't be appropriate for women is to cry as a manipulation tool, which many of us either have done or do.

But I digress.

Yesterday after Florida's loss to Alabama (college football for those of you still not following me), Florida's quarterback Tim Tebow was crying. Of course he was spared from the cameras so there were plenty of good shots of him crying so there's no mistaking that he had something stuck in his eyes other than tears. They didn't even stack up to Alabama and he was crying because they lost. This isn't the first time he's cried because his team lost a game.

I personally think it's awkward for a man to show such a display after losing a game. And I think less of him as a man. It makes him look like a spoiled brat that he didn't get his way. Little kids cry after losing a game, not men. My first thought is does that boy have a daddy to teach him how to be a man? Or did he only have a mother and thus learned how not to control his emotions when it's appropriate to control them.

Losing a game is not an appropriate time to cry. Though feel free to disagree with me if you like. You'll still be wrong in my eyes. And I'm sure I'll remain wrong in your eyes. I don't much care for crying for joy either after a win, but that's less offensive than crying because you didn't win the game. Tell me what you think.

November 25, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Here's hoping some of you have awkwardly funny Thanksgiving moments to share with the rest of us!!! Who knows maybe I'll have one :)

November 15, 2009

He Doesn't Belong With You

So it's virtually impossible not to here the Taylor Swift song on the radio since even if you only listen while driving to work in the mornings. So the song I'm referring to is that "You Belong With Me." If you haven't figured out why she's making millions off of it, listen to the words, it's what every not dating girl aged 14-24 is thinking about their guy friends that they have unrequited crushes on. These guys apparently like talking to them and hanging out with them, while they are dating and kissing on other girls.

I can remember several times growing up where I didn't understand why "he" didn't see the chemistry between us that I saw. This is because my mother didn't teach me what I sense I may not have listened to, thus requiring that I learn this lesson on my own over time. If I could talk to Taylor and all other other girls out there this is what I'd say:

"He doesn't belong with you. He's not romantically interested in you, and probably never will be, otherwise he'd be asking you out on dates, not kissing on those other girls. He probably respects you and likes you as a person, but even if you put on a cheerleader outfit or high heels and cute skirt and lots of makeup, he still won't see what you want him to see. He knows you want him and that feeds his ego. That's why he makes sure to keep you in the 'friend zone.'"

"You belong with someone whose heart and butterflies flutter when he sees you. You belong with someone who only has eyes for you. You belong with someone you choose who chooses you back. You belong with someone who wouldn't string you along just to feed his ego. You belong with someone who makes you a better person and is a better person by virtue of being with you. You belong with someone who you sweep off of their feet rather than the other way around."

"He belongs with someone else not because he's a bad person or an egomaniac, but because he doesn't belong with you. He is too immature for you or anyone right now, but hopefully he'll find someone someday that sweeps him off his feet and makes him become a man. He belongs with someone who will make him a better person by virtue of being with her. He deserves the same thing you do, he's just not choosing it with you. So don't waste your time pining when you could be missing out on spending time with lots of other great guys that do meet those conditions."

Perhaps this is a lesson that girls must learn on their own, but I'll be damned if I don't try to teach or at least warn any daughters of mine that I see wasting their time pining over some boy who is stringing them along. This lesson didn't apply to every boy I had a crush on, just the ones who were actually friends and were spending time with me.

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but had I wrote that song I'd be a millionaire too! I just lived it more or less.

October 25, 2009

Diarrhea of the Mouth is.....????

What's awkward is listening to people who have it and not knowing how to handle this situation. I had a boss with this problem. His diarrhea pushed the line of sexist or just inappropriate. And it didn't really seem to hurt him since he's was making good money....moral of the story....perhaps I'm too careful with my words....professionally and personally.....which might be the cause of the following...

What's even more awkward is that I've nothing awkward left to write about and no one reading anymore so really, what's the point???

I think I'll take a hiatus until I get inspired again and until I've improved my diarrhea of the mouth for posting. As this might be an appropriate medium for it....

Until then feel free to look through my old posts. Some of them don't suck so bad.

October 11, 2009

A Perm Isn't Called a Perm Because It's Temporary

Perhaps I'm the only one to experience this phenomenon, but does anyone else remember when perms were the rage in the 80's? My mom had the short perm look that she still used a curling iron on. What was the point of the perm? I still don't know. The perm look that I liked was the spiral perm that only blondes seemed to pull off or get to work right.

I guess I decided at one point that I wanted one so my mom went to cosmetology school to learn how to do a perm. No but she did go to the store and get one and the rods if she didn't already have one. And she did the perm herself. I was looking for the cute spiral perm results but that's not how it came out. My hair was fine other than not looking like I wanted it to. Amazingly without schooling and a license, my mom did not fry my hair. Well...

So I hated my hair but made due with it for awhile. I really wanted a professional to do it because I was convinced they could give me the spiral perm I wanted. So at least once or twice in my live my mom took me to a professional to have it done. It still turned out the same way. Not cool. It only added to my awkward, zitty, big giant glasses, bad perm dorkyness. As far as I can remember I was given somewhere between 2 and 4 perms in my life. Half by my mom and the other half professionally. I was never satisfied with the results so I was determined to let it all grow out to my once beautiful straight hair.

It grew and grew and grew and 18+ years later, I still have some kind of curly hair. I can't just let my hair naturally dry and get beautiful hair. I have to use heat to make it straighten it and make it look remotely presentable. But then I still have that nagging frizziness that pops up in humidity.

A few years ago a professional showed me what to do to make left over perm in my hair look good. I tried it for awhile but not for long because I suppose it was too much work for me. You see I'm pretty lazy when it comes to my hair. But a few weeks ago I decided to give it a try again to see if it took any longer than my normal routine to straighten my hair. Turns out it takes about the same time as long as I put the hair dryer on high. With the right product in my hair, it doesn't look half bad. So I decided to try it at work all last week. I might keep it up since my look has felt redundant for most of my life. Just with varying lengths. I'm just not a huge fan of overly crunchy or wet looking hair. So I suppose I'll have to experiment with various products. I just wish I'd known how to fix it back then to make it look half-way decent.

The point is, had I known all of those years ago that a perm was going to fry my hair follicles to permanently make my hair grow wavy, I wouldn't have bothered. I went so far as trying to do my own "straight perm" at home. Didn't work. I didn't even notice a difference when I was done. Am I the only one who learned this the hard way? Someone tried to tell me in college that it was puberty. She can sell it but I'm not buying it. It was that dadgum perm! You won't convince me otherwise in spite of what evidence to the contrary might be out there.

October 4, 2009

Online Dating Isn't for Everyone

Online dating is what about 10-12 years old now. Right? Maybe more. Before then blind dates consisted of being set up by friends, parents, co-workers, etc. Perhaps answering ads in the back of sketchy magazines, but I'm sure most normal people stayed away from that. Anyways so my mom really couldn't warn me about online dating. I'm going to share with you my one and only experience with it. I'll tell you the punch line now, it was not with my husband. I met him the old fashioned way. At church!

This happened shortly after college though I can't remember the exact year. Maybe 2002 or 2003. So I was playing around online with a dating sight and I don't exactly remember how but signed up for the 2 week free trial as a joke. So we started trolling through profiles in spite of not setting one up for me. So I ran across a guy that struck my fancy. He had a full head of hair, and confident demeanor about him which instantly attracted me. He lived about 5 states away or so. Just for fun I sent a flirty little message, figuring with a picture like that, he's probably busy with chicks that were more geographically desirable and in his own league.

Low and behold he wrote be back and seemed all flirty and interested. I can't remember the circumstances by my free trial was about to expire and it was going to cost $5 to extend it for 2 weeks or a month or something like that and I was just going to let it go, but a lady I worked with insisted I not drop this, since they'd gone through all my failed guy drama up to that point. So she paid the $5 to extend it. So I kept corresponding with him exchanging emails before my term expired.

I should have seen the writing on the wall when he was so eager to correspond with me and when flowers and candy showed up at my place of business. No guy ever sent me flowers and candy, and I was always concerned about my friends that did shower girls with gifts like that. (Flash forward to dating my husband, I told him never ever to pay to send me flowers at work, if he wanted to give me flowers he could buy the $5 bunch at the grocery store and deliver them himself or wait until he saw me later) This is because it's sign of what to expect post marriage and to a girl like me, I see this as a bottomless pit of wasted money. $5 no, but $30-$40 a pop, way too wasteful. And they don't last nearly as long as the flowers from the store do.

Red flag number 3 or perhaps 4(I believe I've covered 2 now, maybe more), the day he sent me the flowers and candy, he tracked down how to call me at work. Granted I did work customer service so he called the 800#, but still, perhaps a little to stalkerish. Though I will admit had the rest of the story gone differently, I'd look back at that as romantic rather than red flagish. At the time, I didn't see it as a red flag, but I should have. Several of my friends had gotten married right out of college or were engaged and I had no prospects on the horizon, so I though what the hell. Why not take a chance. I generally learn my lesson after one time.

So anyways after that we exchanged phone numbers and began talking on the phone on top of emailing. After some time we were curious enough to meet, but I was never going to go meet a stranger by myself. He offered to come visit me. My friends were well aware of this and were on standby for the weekend in case it didn't go well. So I go to the airport to pick him up and what I had pictured in my head and what I picked up didn't quite match up. Do you remember how I said full head of hair and confident demeanor? The picture was clearly several years old, which I can deal with thinning hair, when someone carries them self with confidence. I knew in the first instance I saw him that I wasn't attracted to him. He looked as if he was 30lbs lighter than me dripping wet, which I've hung out with plenty guys my height or shorter, and they still weren't that lite. His shoulders were hunched over and he carried himself as if he was going to get rejected. Why did he even come?!?!

So I knew from that moment it was going to be a LONG weekend. Thank God for my friends! So that I didn't have to be alone with him much. And he stayed in a hotel, because I'm not an idiot. So it started off awkward and it just got worse from there. Want to know why? He kept fishing for complements! I'm happy to give a complement unsolicited if I believe it's deserved, but when someone is fishing for one, I won't even throw the fisher a bone. Perhaps that's how I added to the awkwardness that weekend. But I refused to give some BS "you're so great" when I didn't believe it. That's not to say he wasn't a nice guy. He really was, we just weren't a match and I knew it, I just felt bad for him and me both that we had to make it through the weekend. And I didn't know how to let him down easily. Perhaps it was because of immaturity, perhaps I was just chicken. Either way, the awkwardness still wasn't over.

This was because rather than accept it wasn't a match, he had to call me out on not biting while he was fishing. I think also on my friends being around the whole time. I suppose if that's what he was expecting, he deserved an explanation. But I didn't know how to be nice about it. Again either immaturity or chicken or both.

Anyways the weekend finally ended and I was glad to drop him off at the airport and send him on his way. I do remember feeling a little guilt because it wasn't cheap to fly out to see me and stay in a hotel etc. But, it was as much a risk on his part as it was on mine. And one shouldn't start a relationship based on guilt. I do hope he found a good match for him. My friends and I had a laugh about it for years. I hope he was able to laugh about it to. I never saw or spoke to him again after that. And I never ever ever was tempted to try online dating sites ever again. Though I know of people that it's worked for. It just wasn't my cup of tea.

September 20, 2009

High School Reunions are as Awkward as High School Was

I realize that high school reunions are supposed to be about reminiscing about the good ol' days, but the reality is that if your class was awkward in high school, the reunion isn't likely to be any different. And I'll say it; I don't look at high school as the good ol' days since most of it sucked buckets for me. So why in the hell would I want to go back?

My class seemed very clicky. It was a small class and we all knew and talked to each other, but we didn't all hang out together in our free time. The reality is that if we'd gone to a huge public school, most of our paths wouldn't have crossed including most of the friends we actually did hang out with. But here's the thing we have all hopefully changed since then and that includes people we used to hang out with. We've all moved on. Reunions are about going back. Back to a place I didn't much care for when I was there but made tolerable by the friends I did have.

A few years ago, I went to my 10 year reunion. I had avoided going back in previous years but decided to go since a friend I'm still in contact with was going. And another friend was going to show and I hoped a few more of my friends would show. Also I really had a morbid curiosity about what some of my former classmates were up to, though I myself was not where I had hoped to be in my career 10 years out from high school. I had recently acquired a stable job that I wasn't completely ashamed of. But I was afraid to go because I figured everyone else would have these crazy awesome careers to brag about.

The reality was that most of the people that showed up had between 1 and 3 kids already. I was shocked because I wasn't even close to thinking I was mature enough to have a kid. (still not sure that I am) Much more 2 or 3 toddlers that were running around. This was a bit awkward because I didn't know what to say to them anymore. I couldn't even relate to wanting kids yet. On the bright side, I didn't see the fabulous high dollar careers that I expected. We were all pretty much paying our dues as far as I could tell. Most of us were well on our way to middle class life, meeting the hopes and dreams of our parents.

Only about half of us, if that many showed up. People that ignored each other in high school continued to ignore each other. I will admit I didn't make an effort to talk to everyone either. I just didn't see the point. Plus hearing about the divorces made the following sympathy awkward.
Now we're all ignoring each other on Facebook. Go figure. We really have nothing to say to each other except to the click or group of friends we belonged to then. It was such an awkward experience, that it's awkward to write about and make it sound amusing. It just sounds sad I think.

September 13, 2009

Wedding Jitters

If I knew then what I know now, I would have had a small wedding in the back yard and only invited family and a very few close friends. I was excited to get married but the fanfare gave me a bit of nervous anxiety that I would have been happy to do without. Though I'm still proud of the cake that cost about $10 and fed everyone that came that wanted cake and still had leftovers.

So onto my jitters. I had a bunch of stuff stored in my dad's attic that I needed to move out and into our new apartment. The week before, I was up there getting boxes and loading up my stuff to move. You know how most attics aren't finished unless you finish them? Well my stuff was on parts that didn't have any kind of flooring down on the studs. So I was standing on the studs, beams or whatever they are called, lifting a box when I lost my balance and stepped in between the studs and my foot when right through the ceiling. Luckily I came to a stop on top of the fridge.

OH CRAP!!! I just ruined my dad's ceiling!!! and I was getting married in a few days. I was immediately terrified that he was going to be furious and disown me or refuse to walk me down the aisle. Or charge me to fix it and I didn't have a job yet!!! Well that was a little dramatic, but I was really upset that I was in the attic standing on his fridge. I called my soon to be husband and forgot to tell him that there was a fridge under me. So imagine what he pictured, me falling 10 feet to the floor with legs and arms mangled in directions they aren't supposed to go! If he were a woman he would have imagined a wedding with me being wheeled down the aisle in a body cast.

On the bright side, my dad was glad that the fridge was there, and it was something he knew how to fix and so it didn't even come close to breaking the bank. So in the end it wasn't so bad. We all survived. But it didn't relieve any of my other jitters. How do you tell a new bride and her mother that less is more. Most people will tell you that my wedding was more less than more. But I fought for less and hind-sight being 20/20, would have preferred much less than I even fought for. That would have lessened the jitters greatly.

Do any of you have any great wedding jitters stories? The funnier the better!

August 30, 2009

Paranoia Is Best Taken Lightheartedly

The inspiration for this topic came from my trip to the doctor the other week. I had never met or seen this doctor before and so meeting a doctor for the first time is a little nerve-wracking especially when you're a closet hypochondriac like me. Which is where that paranoia starts, because I was certain by the end of my visit he was going to out me, or at least chart me as a hypochondriac.

Well I was promptly taken back to an exam room and as such I was waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting, until the nurse came in and told me a previous appointment was running later than they expected but that he'd be in shortly. So now I will tell you the secondary awkward paranoia that came to me during what seemed to be a never ending wait to inevitably diagnose me as a hypochondriac.

So whenever I am waiting and waiting anywhere without a magazine to look at either by lack of or quality of choice, I begin to look around the room, count the ceiling tiles if they exist, notice the floors and furniture, and notice the cleanliness or nit picky lack there of among other observational things. I am generally drawn to vents, and every time I see a vent, I think "what if there's a camera on me, and what if they are watching my every move rather than really "in with another patient" as they want me to believe. Well this gave me such a brilliant idea for a post, so I pulled my little notebook of ideas out of my purse and started to write this down. As I was writing this down and second paranoid delusional thought passed through my head, "what if the doctor walks in on me as I'm writing this down, what is he going to think, say, or demand to know about what I am writing." This caused me to laugh which brought my paranoid thought full circle, "what if paranoia is why I'm actually here visiting the doctor today?" Which of course amplifies the paranoia of being outed as a hypochondriac. Is this irony, tragedy, or both?

All this from the thought of a camera on me. You know what's sad or funny as you might see it, every time I'm in a public bathroom and I see a vent in full view of the toilet, I'm paranoid that there might be a camera on me. :)

That's All Folks!!!
Same time same place next week. Though I might take Labor Day Weekend off. If so, don't labor on Labor Day if you can help it. Have a safe and happy holiday!

August 23, 2009

Breastfeeding Is A Polarizing Topic!

I'm probably going out on a limb posting this, but just know I mostly respect opposing opinions on this topic depending on the context.

So not being a mother I only have the perspective of a non-mom, and as a non-mom it's a little awkward when I see someone breastfeeding in public without any kind of blanket or breastfeeding apron. Mostly because I don't know where to look and I wouldn't dream of exposing myself that way in public for any reason. I would find a place that provides me some kind of privacy, or I would always make use of a something that would allow us to be discreet.
This story is about a nurse-in that was staged in a Florida fast food restaurant because that manager (a woman) had asked a woman cover up while feeding her baby. While it was in poor taste, I completely understand where she was coming from. She was likely thinking of the consideration of the other customers. That said she didn't have consideration for the mother feeding her baby either. The manager admitted that she made a mistake.

What I find funny is how this nurse-in was about making a statement about their "right" to feed their children. I really find it to be a mockery of such a intimate and special moment between a mother and child. Because mothers have a duty, not a right to feed their children, and it shouldn't be about garnering attention, it should be about nourishing one's child. And gathering a bunch of women to use their babies to make a point is about garnering attention.

But you see this opinion in and of itself is very polarizing, and I didn't know that until someone posted that story on facebook and I made a comment, and someone obviously disagreed with my point of view. Which is fine, we are all entitled to our opinions. I had no idea that people disagreed with me on this, though I should have, because I've seen it done not-so-discreetly and discreetly which should have clued me in that many women aren't as private about it as I would be. So often times disagreements like this can be awkward even if one tries to state their opinions in the utmost respectful manner. It really depends if you and the other party involved can agree to disagree or not.

I do find some of the comments on both sides of the issue at the end of that story interesting food for thought. Pun always intended.

And you thought this was going to be about whether or not to breastfeed, which is a very polarizing topic in and of it's self. And my opinion that it's a mother's choice is likely to upset some as well. Though some people like to demonize women that don't, even though as I understand it, sometimes it's beyond their control. Let's just say that there are many healthy, well-adjusted adopted babies that don't get the opportunity to breast-feed.

August 15, 2009

Just Because You're in Another Country Doesn't Make it a Cultural Thing

When I was 19, I took a year off school and went to Brazil as a student missionary. This meant that I went there to teach English which helped raise money for the orphanage and various daycare projects that my church operates over there. So to help keep down expenses, they get people to volunteer to put the various students that come up in their house, providing room and board for them.

My particular family had 3 kids, one of whom was away at college most of the time. They decided to house 2 of us. We were exited to be there in a new place and they did a very good job of making us welcome and introducing us to people at church, etc etc. There were quite a few things happening in the house that we chalked up to cultural differences, that we found out later weren't necessarily cultural. Remember I was in a 3rd world country that I knew nothing about, and this was my first introduction to the culture. We were not placed in the slums, we were in a regular neighborhood in a regular house. It wasn't a mansion, but it looked nothing like the slums either.

Much to our unpleasant surprise, one day we come home from teaching and the mom of the house is walking around naked and her 12 or 13 year old son is there. And she wasn't phased when we saw her stark nekked. Awkward.....for us....We didn't think it could get any worse, but it did. She kept doing this on a regular basis and she wanted us to teach her English while she was naked!!! What?!?! I have a strict personal policy that I only teach English to those that are properly covered up. But how do you say that to your hostess? I know it's hot there, but it wasn't any worse than it is in Texas and we wear clothes. Especially in front of guests. (Austin can pose the exception to that at times)

We were stunned and it was really really really awkward. How do you politely excuse yourself from such a situation without seeming ungrateful for their hospitality to you? After all we were eating their food (which incidentally waned away shortly after our arrival) It's not like she made an effort to be less naked in front of us either. Though to her benefit, she never asked us to get naked. Though it's possible that she did and we just didn't understand what she said. We were especially disturbed by this display in front of her son. We had no choice, we talked to our director about it, and eventually we were both placed elsewhere. We were probably exposed to it, pun intended, for maybe a week or two longer after talking to the director about it. I'm sure it seemed we were there longer than we actually were after these naked episodes started, because neither of us were the type to parade around naked in front of anyone else, let alone strangers.

Tell you what, had her husband ever done that, we would have been packed and out of there that minute. But because it was her, we were confused as to whether or not this was normal behavior in that country. We soon found out that it was NOT normal Brazilian behavior to parade around naked in your own home in front of guests, as well as some of the other things we let go as being cultural. It was just the culture of that family. What an awkward lesson to learn. Some things your mom just can't prepare you for even if she tries.

That aside, my experience in Brazil was a great one and I really love that country and their food. If you've ever been to a churrascaria here in America, just know that you are getting ripped off out the wazoo. We can't justify it, though we just found an alternative Brazilian restaurant that isn't nearly a rip off and had all of my favorite foods on one appetizer dish.

August 9, 2009

Your Expectations of Others are too High

I have recently come to the realization that my expectations of others are too high. It kind of popped in my head at an interview just over 6 months ago when asked about my weakness. That was the answer I gave. I got the job and my boss and I seem to be a good fit for each other. Which is a good thing. Though I think I had been thinking of the concept for awhile.

What I mean my that is that I expect others to perform at least close to as well as I do or even some people and friends I've worked with and respect their work ethic. I expect them to care about doing a good job as much as I do. I expect a reasonable thought process for every decision they make. The problem comes in here since reasonable is as defined by me, not them. This applies to all parts of life, not just work, though since I spend so much time at work, this is probably where people don't meet my expectations the most since they have numerous opportunities to let me down.

I know I'm not alone in this, but what am I to do? Lower my standards for myself, so that my standards for others will be lowered? I also expect that people will want to better themselves and their skills (this may not apply to all lines of work which I have no problem with) to advance their careers, when they may be perfectly happy doing the same job for the last 10 years and for the next 20, getting only a cost of living increase if they are lucky. Doesn't matter, I can't understand that mindset or that choice. However what I do know is that it makes things easier for those of that are ambitious enough to climb the ladder. Less competition + consistently higher performance = a dang good chance of promotions, raises, and respect. Even though some people see it as more headaches. I get that, it's a headache dealing with people that don't care about their jobs as much as you do and not knowing what to do to motivate them. I guess that's the challenge the higher you climb.

What's awkward about it, is not know what to do about it if anything. In an ideal world, I'd get rid of the sub-par and bring in those that excel. But it is possible that people can excel in the same job for 10 years. You want good competent people surrounding you, but reality doesn't always allow for this. Another awkward thing about this is that I don't know if this makes me a bad person or not. I don't think it does, but perhaps some aspects of this do.

August 2, 2009

The Inner Struggles of a Closet Hypochondriac

This is a reprint from another blog of mine that is now inactive. But I thought it was appropriate since it's often awkward to have these conversations with yourself and at times with your doctor. I never discussed this with my mother growing up, nor did she teach me to be a hypochondriac. Hope you enjoy and perhaps some of you can relate.

Just what is a closet hypochondriac? Those of you that can relate to the title alone know exactly what I’m talking about. To me, a closet hypochondriac is someone whose logic tends to overrule his or her irrational fears so that no doctor would ever label them a hypochondriac. I hope that others that are in the closet about this can rest assured that they aren’t alone and hopefully embrace it from a humorous perspective.

Those of you that can’t relate may now be asking yourselves, just what inner struggles could they possibly have? Well it’s simple, every time something new comes up that causes us to worry, which we logically know is irrational worry, nonetheless we worry. We then struggle with whether or not to go to the doctor. If we go to the doctor, they are going to tell us nothing is wrong, and we fear worse that we will be laughed at once we leave or labeled a hypochondriac in our chart. AHHHH!!! Not that!!! That’s where our logic kicks in and we choose not to go to the doctor. But after we’ve made that choice, we can’t stop worrying that something really IS wrong and this is the one time we really SHOULD have it checked out by a doctor, because if we wait TOO long, it will be TOO late and there will be nothing they can do. This is our internal struggle.

For me, my terminal disease of choice is cancer. If I see a bump on my hand that wasn’t there before, that I don’t know how it got there, it’s probably cancer. Or I’m going to worry that it is until it goes away. I’ve struggled with various back pain most of my life in one area. But I know how to treat and prevent pain on that side of my back. However, if I have pain on the other side of my back that logically I know feels like I strained a muscle, and it just needs time and perhaps ice and heat, I still worry that it’s cancer. Every time I get a new freckle somewhere on my body, I worry it’s cancer. I often have random bruises pop up on my body that I can’t pinpoint how they got there, so I worry I could have cancer. Even though I have a terrible depth perception problem which causes me to run into doorways, walls, or anything else in my way simply because I misjudge the distance they are from my body. Logically I know this is probably how one of these unknown bruises came about so I don’t bother going to the doctor freaking out. But I still wonder in the back of my mind sometimes until it goes away and I forget about it.

I thought I read somewhere once that the two most common diseases feared by hypochondriacs are cancer and MS. I’m sure there are other diseases feared out there. Please feel free to share your closet hypochondriacal disease of choice with the rest of us. It’s great therapy to get it off your chest. We won’t judge you. We might laugh in sympathy. But your choice to control yourself is highly respected. Humor is a great way to deal with a neurosis like this.

You know what the problem is, the Internet. Every time I get some new “symptom,” I have to go to the Internet and look it up. Cancer is always the first thing that pops up. Which is probably why cancer is the disease of choice. Everything is a potential symptom for cancer. What are we supposed to do about that? If we live long enough, won’t we all get cancer? Of course if I’m 90 and diagnosed with it, that’s ok. I just don’t want to be diagnosed with untreatable, terminal cancer at 30.

You see, what we should all fear are sexually transmitted diseases like syphilis, gonorrhea (what a terrible name), herpes, AIDS, and the dreaded “warts.” All terrible diseases, but medical science has come so far that you don’t really need to worry about them nearly as much as you did 10 or 15 years ago or more, because there are cures, or effective treatments. You should fear the stigma attached with having to tell your potential spouse that you had syphilis or gonorrhea. You should be ashamed. That’s what we should all fear, not cancer. But cancer, while it’s not always a death sentence, is still killing people every day at all ages. It’s so unpredictable from person to person. And there are so many different kinds of cancer.

Thus the inner struggle continues. As long as logic always wins out to dictate when we do and don’t go to the doctor, we’ll all be ok. Just have a sense of humor about the fact that you’re a closet hypochondriac like me. There’s no shame in it.

July 26, 2009

How to Watch Where You're Going

In reality my mother and father probably tried to tell me this over and over and over and over, but nothing really teaches you this lesson like hands on experience. I've spent my whole life running into walls, glass doors, and door ways. When I say my whole life I mean it. I still have that problem. I've also done a lot of tripping while walking down the hall or especially the sidewalk. Honestly the running into door ways isn't so much about watching where I'm going, I think it's more about misjudging where my arm is relative to the door frame. Does that mean it's quite likely a depth perception problem or some other perception problem.

Here's what my parents did teach me relative to this problem I have, and that is how to laugh at myself. Otherwise as much as I do these things with witnesses around, familiar and strangers, I would one self-loathing, depressed, defunct, and likely non functional member of society. I have been known to be walking down the sidewalk, trip so far I almost fall, and burst out laughing, not knowing at all if anyone saw it or not. If no one saw it, it's possible I haven't really been known to anyone other than myself. I think learning to laugh at yourself if the more important lesson to learn than to watch where you're going. Besides I'm sure every time they told me this, it didn't even go in one ear. It just went around or over my head and kept on going because it was likely interpreted as nagging nonsense the first time so my ears often slammed shut as soon as advice or admonishment was detected.

So what good would this post be without a good story. I'll share the one that inspired me just the other day. Friday we were over at my mom and step dad's for dinner and so were the step siblings and in-law and niece as a result. So the girls decided to go to the playground down the street so that my 2 year old niece could play and get out some of her endless energy. She's like a puppy only when my dog was little she'd play for 20 minutes and crash for an hour, get up play for 20 minutes and crash for another hour.

Back to the story. So we were walking down the sidewalk chattin it up as girls do and my niece decided she wanted to hold my hand while we walked so I took her hand and was looking down at her and the sidewalk. She was talking and I was trying to interpret, when all of a sudden BAM!!!!! we came to a halt and I look up and there was a sign right there impeding my forward momentum. WHAT!!! I'm only 5'8 but you could have been 4'8 and still had to duck to miss this sign. When all of the other signs around don't require me to duck to miss. All I would normally have to watch out for is the pole. I didn't hit the pole, I hit the extra low sign. Well this was on the edge of a cul-de-sac where some people were out in their front yard. Don't know if they saw it or not, but we immediately stopped and started laughing. It didn't hurt at all but it was quite funny and quite unfortunate that no one had a camera to capture this "preventable but why would you" moment. The cutest thing was that I got an "I sorry Amboo" and a hug. So it was all worth it.

When we got back home I slammed my head into the glass door trying to see inside from the back yard. Go figure...

New lesson: Not all signs are taller than the average man, so watch out for them.

July 19, 2009

You Will Feel Compelled to Watch Lifetime Sometimes

I know I'm not the only one around that is a closet Lifetime fan. I don't even want to watch any of their shows. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I love me a bad Lifetime movie now and then. My mother didn't know about this compulsion because we didn't have cable growing up. But she did watch a soap opera or two which really isn't any better. Which is why I pass no judgement on you soap opera fans.

Why am I ashamed to admit this? If you don't know then your problem may be worse than mine. I'm ashamed because the movies are often terrible, shameful, immoral, victimize women at the hands of "evil" villainous men. As if to say all men are bad, which is a premise I vehemently oppose. But occasionally they throw in an evil woman as the villain. But usually she's doing another woman bad. These movies usually have cheesy scripts and plots, but I still watch them anyways.

You know what inspired this post? I'm watching one as I write this. It's called "Confessions of a Go-Go Girl" or something like that. You know why this stupid movie works? Because inside many of us is the fantasy of being able to be a successful go-go dancer looking all scantily clad hot while getting lots of money for it. It's a notch up from being a stripper while still making good money. Yes I have an inner go-go girl that I cage. Because I can't hardly wear a bikini in front of strangers and family let alone booty shorts and a bra. I have the modesty of me, which is why my inner go-go dancer will always be caged. Except for my husband of course.

Lifetime is successful because it's target audience has many various fantasies about their lives which they can live vicariously through a Lifetime movie. No matter how bad. Why do you think they have Lifetime Movie Network too? And Lifetime Real Women. I don't watch that one, but it obviously meets the desires of enough women to make them money.

What is wrong with me? I feel like I ought to go to a support group for Lifetime addicts. I don't watch every day because I have a job. But when I didn't, don't you know I snuck in a Lifetime movie to break up the job search because there's nothing else on except soap operas in the middle of the day. And I didn't want to get sucked into one of those since I was in a temporary situation of unemployment. But I watch it entirely too much. And I secretly like it. Even though I don't want to. I really really really don't want to. I'm so ashamed of myself. My husband makes fun of me. And rightly so. He tolerates it only because we have two TVs. What's a girl to do?

July 12, 2009

Some Kids Are Into the Art of Poo!

This topic was inspired by a facebook status update from someone whose daughter woke her up because her younger brother had been practicing poo art on the wall. You see my mother didn't teach me this lesson because my little cousin beat her to it in my prepubescent years. I suppose that was the first exposure into the joys of parenthood that started me squarely on the path to no kids! Well at the very least, on the path to not getting knocked up until I was ready to handle such artwork from kids. That is the first moment of many moments that started my education on the fact that having kids was not something to take lightly or to rush into.

We were over at my aunt and uncle's house and they have 2 boys several years younger than me. Well one of them wanted me to come back and see his toys. For some reason we went into the other one's bedroom who was "drawing" on the wall with drab brown. All of a sudden the smell reached my nose and I realized that 3-D crayons didn't exist. I put 2 and 2 together and I don't really remember if I held it together or if I ran screaming in horror out to the living yelling "there's poo on the wall!!!" I'm going with if I did keep it together on the outside while delivering the news, I was freaking out running with my arms waving in the air and crying "oh the horror!!!THE HUMANITY!!!! The toilet exploded and shot poo out the door, took a left turn down the hall, then a right turn into his room and splatted on his wall!!!" I certainly thought that no other child had ever done this and there must be something wrong with him!! However the calm demeanor in the living room most likely followed by an explanation taught me otherwise.

All I know is that I didn't have to clean it up. Thank goodness!! But at that moment I didn't ever want to clean it up ever!! But I had no idea what was in store for me down the road. If you are interested in what followed in my poo experience, check out my previous post about exploding poo.

It may seem like poo is a common topic for me to write about, but it has caused me much trauma in my life. And my mother never ever warned me about any of them ahead of time. I supposed she decided it was good for me to learn these lessons through experience. Although I suppose I would have avoided trying and doing a lot of things had she warned me of potential disaster. And it was damn good birth control. Although it's possible my brother never dabbled in poo art, and if he did it was either before I was born or when I was much too young to even say poo. So it may not have even crossed her mind to tell me about this art form. None the less these lessons still haunt me to this day as the images were burned through my eyes into my brain and I don't think they will ever go away!

July 5, 2009

You Must Resist the Urge to be Crazy

Growing up I saw a lot of crazy women out there and I was determined not to be crazy. What I didn't know is that no matter how much I resit the urge to be crazy, I will inevitably let crazy out of the bag once in awhile. I think some of this is inherited from both sides of my family, but I think most if comes on the X chromosome. Which means guys are sometimes crazy but we are more likely on average to be twice as crazy as they are. Now this only counts for your typical average man and woman. Any outliers are anomalies and don't count for the purposes of this discussion because a men and women that are physically abusive to each other aren't normal and average and they are beyond crazy. They are complete wackadoos that shouldn't ever date or marry or be allowed to reproduce.

I know there are women out there who discussed with each other just how crazy their mothers were and how they were going to be different. And then years later they have the discussion about how they just caught themselves doing something their mother did. So does that mean their mothers weren't crazy? Or are we all just destined to become crazy as we get older? Do men know about this before they marry us? Are they crazy for marrying us?

I have long held the opinion that women use PMS as an excuse to treat their men and their family poorly, and this is unacceptable. I'm not saying we aren't allowed moments of crazy PMS or not, but it is our responsibility to recognize if we acted poorly and admit we were wrong and apologize for our psychotic, lunatic, nutjob behavior. Pride in this area will turn into your ultimate downfall. And it won't win over your family either. They will just start to resent you. Having a sense of humor about it will get you further than stubbornness and pride.

We have all had those moments where we recognized that we were crazy. When I was much younger, I was being grumpy for some reason and so my brother made the comment that I must be PMSing, followed by laughter. I just got so mad that I started crying. This was back when I was still mortified to be getting a period every month. And the thought of my brother or father knowing this was humiliating. Now I'm just annoyed by it. Anyways I got even angrier uncontrollable tears when I realized he was right. How could this be? How could I let my emotions get the best of me? I was so devastated because this was the minute I discovered I had the capacity to be a crazy nutjob. And this was horrifying on top of the humiliation of a period every month which at this point had been going on for a few years.

The older I get the more I struggle with being keeping crazy in check. It seems like no matter how hard I try to keep in, it just slips out every once in awhile against my will! It's like having the good angel on one shoulder giving you the pep talk to keep it in while the devil is on the other shoulder telling you to let it out. He just forgets to tell you how foolish letting it out makes you look. So the next time you find yourself in this scenario, kick that stupid red devil off your shoulder and listen to the angel giving you the pep talk. You'll feel empowered and a little less crazy than the last time.

June 28, 2009

How to Maintain Grace While Your Innards are Noisy

We all know about burps and farts and that the sound of them can be muffled. Although they sometimes slip out in public unrestricted. They are a part of life and we all accept this about each other while secretly, or perhaps not so secretly, judging you if you let it slip noticeably. It really depends how well you are known and liked by the audience.

But what about those "other noises?" You know when you're hungry your stomach growls. But what if it is right after lunch and you are in a room full of people and your "stomach" starts making loud uncontrollable noises? Logically they should conclude that you're no longer hungry so it must be gas. I mean that's what I would logically conclude. All sorts of humiliating thoughts start running through your head like "these noises are loud enough that I'm going to start getting looks or everyone will suddenly burst out in uncontrollable laughter," or perhaps "I'm going to be the subject of gossip and laughter behind my back when we're on break," or "do they realize I'm not actually sitting back here farting?" And then you feel like making an announcement about how "hungry" you really are so they'll think it's just your stomach growling and not the continuous flow of farts. Don't they know I'd muffle a fart and they would never hear it? I always figure no, even though I would always give people the benefit of the doubt. At least at that exact moment I would feel sympathy for anyone in my position.

My mom did not prepare me for this continuous humiliation even into adulthood. I feel like I'm perpetually in high-school when silly noises like this occur in my innards and I just want to slip under my desk out of site. I can't leave the room because the whole room will exchange looks at each other followed by the biggest outburst of laughter known to man. At least this is what happens in my head. If I stay in the room, at least there might be question as to who is producing such ungodly noises after lunch. Although I'm convinced my face is flashing red saying "It's Me!! It's ME and it's gas!!!! And I am more humiliated than when I get a pap smear!!" (Though not my first 5 or so...those were definitely more humiliating.)

I wish there was a magic pill. Although I'm sure some of you probably have some. And don't tell me fruits, vegetables, and fiber is the answer. I'm sure they are causing it as my diet is high in all of those things. I'm also paranoid that they just naturally assume that it's gas when it really is my stomach growling. So I'll ask it again, am I the only one that gets embarrassed by my bodily noises? Do I need to get over it, if only in my head?

June 21, 2009

Just Because Everyone Else Doesn't Think Exactly As You Do, Doesn't Make Them Wrong!

This is a subject that often comes up with me in the form of having such high expectations of others. It's very difficult for me because it often frustrates me or makes me feel like a terrible person, depending on the circumstance. Both of which are awkward positions to be in.

Work is one place that beat me down in this arena. I expect people to put the effort I do into communication, learning, and performance. This doesn't mean that mistakes and screw ups won't happen, but I make an effort to learn from mistakes and apply what I've learned for the future in similar and different situations or projects. I often find this doesn't happen, and what is even more frustrating or awkward, is that this is consistently tolerated. Although maybe what I don't notice is that these are the people that don't get promoted. It is possible that they stay in the same jobs until they retire. I suppose that's not so bad. But I often find myself getting beat down about this. And it's not that I want to lower my expectations, I want everyone to step it up a notch or two. If only a notch. I want them to strive to improve, if only a little.

This also happens in regular life when I find myself being judgemental or critical of people that get married young, which was 26 for me so younger than 25 is too young by my definition. Not that it's wrong or can't be handled, I just think there's live to be lived before getting married and that many people pass it up because they are so focused on growing up and getting married. Not that growing up and getting married is a bad thing. The next thing people do too young in my opinion is have kids. I have always had a 5 year timeline for being married before having kids. And I see so many people that are younger than me, married for less time than me having kids. Not that they can't handle it, but it just seems like a step people rush into.

It's awkward for me because I don't like to be so harsh or critical of them, although I do try and keep those opinions to myself. I don't call them up and say "What they hell are you thinking!!!! YOU'RE TOO YOUNG!!!" In reality they may not be, but I definitely was at their age. It's different for everyone. And just because they don't think the way I do for marriage and kids, doesn't make them wrong, it just makes them more grown up then me. The truth is, both of those decisions terrified me for a long time (one still does) and I don't understand people that weren't as terrified as me for both of those decisions. Maybe that just means I'm immature. Which if true, is exceptionally awkward for me as I've always been labeled mature.

Am I alone with this awkward internal struggle?

June 12, 2009

How to be Polite and Respectful in Public

This post most certainly IS NOT about me or my mother. My husband and I were on vacation this last week and just returned late last night after 2 cancelled flights and getting transferred to another airline to get home. This was due to weather in our connecting city which messed up the day for a lot of travellers including us.

We had booked the first flight out at 6:00 am pst and were planning on being home by 2:00 pm cst. We didn't land at our home airport until 11:30 pm. Needless to say it was a long day for us and many other travellers. Still that's not an excuse to be rude and disrespectful in public. Basic manners should be a given when everyone is just trying to get to their final destination.

We were all loaded on our last flight home and wouldn't you know our seats were right next to some loud and obnoxious brats, when we see two other people take their seats who had been loud and obnoxiously carrying on in the waiting area in the terminal. To be fair it was really 1 of the 2 of them, but the 2nd one didn't seem to have a problem with this dramatic display for attention. So now we have 5 people all fighting for attention on a plane full of people that just wanted to get to their final destination.

Some how they started antagonizing each other and being rude to each other so one of them asked the flight attendant about changing seats but in a loud and belligerent fashion obviously taking a shot at the brats behind him. Which one of them responded to obnoxiously. However I must say the first person had gone up and down the aisles 2 or 3 times before finally taking a seat so I don't know that there weren't other exchanges between him and the flight attendants before this scene went down.

The plane had backed out of the gate and stopped for several minutes when the captain comes on and says that they have to pull back to the gate to take care of an administrative issue. A few minutes later someone from security comes on to ask the 2 people in front of the 3 obnoxious brats to please exit the plane with him as the captain has requested they be removed from the plane. There was an immediate feel of fear that came over the 3 as they were apart of the final display that a majority of the people assumed was the only reason for the 2 being asked to exit. These two immediately went into defensive "what have we done wrong" mode, refusing to leave.

Let me just say it doesn't matter at this point what anyone has done, if the captain has requested you gone, for whatever reason, you aren't going on that plane. In reality all 5 of them should have been kicked off, but I sense the one had done some other things before that scene to make one or two of the flight attendants uncomfortable. I'll back them up, I was irritated and a bit uncomfortable when they showed up right in front of those 3 brats who were already having a loud, obnoxious conversation about silliness that no one wanted to hear. Why can't people get on a plane, sit down, and shut up???? My husband and I barely talk to each other on a plane, and when we do, we keep the noise down so no one can hear our conversation. At least can the noise level be piped down to a reasonable level? Are my expectations of others again a little too high?

My other problem was the people around that decided to speak up for or against these two to plead their case or just plead for them to just get off while the gate security officials are trying to talk them off the plane before the police come and take them by force. Shut up you!!! # 1 you don't know what all was behind this removal! Don't assume you know the whole story! #2 you aren't helping this scene end any sooner by distracting security or the removees. I don't care if you think it's unreasonable, and I don't care that you just want them to go peacefully. KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!!! The captain is the only judge and jury on the plane, he's not going to change his mind because you think he should. Your opinion doesn't count so get over yourself!

They finally left the plane, but not before the 3 obnoxious brats found themselves sticking up for them when prodded by the removees. At this point I thought they felt bad about the part they played in the disturbance and were just trying to pacify the situation. But after we landed they were back to talking smack and making jokes about how they got kicked off. Was I too much of a wuss for not telling them to lock it up because they should have been kicked off too? I don't know. We touched down just after 11:30 pm and I just wanted to get off the plane and get home. I do wish I would have had the guts to tell them to grow up and get some manners, but the part of me that didn't want to cause a scene is much more dominant, because people like that generally don't have respect or consideration for anyone around them. Why didn't their (all 5 maybe 4) mothers and fathers teach them to be respectful, polite, and considerate to others in public or private? And as the case may be, why didn't they teach them to pick their friends wisely as they will be judged by the company they keep? Why is getting attention, positive or negative, more important to some people? How awkward to go though life without manners or common courtesy.

Kudos to the pilot and crew though, we were already way late getting home. Another half hour or so wasn't a big deal to us.

May 31, 2009

How to Grow Old Gracefully While Fighting the Signs of Age

So I turned 31 about a week and a half ago and we'll say missed a post due to events that happened to take place during that time. My husband, who is 36, said that turning 30 wasn't so bad for him, but 31 was, because it meant he was now "into his 30s." Turning 30 was a breeze but now that I'm "into my 30's," I find myself obsessing more and more about lines and wrinkles and discolorations on my face as well as the increasing number of gray hairs I'm finding. I'm spending more money than ever on crap to try and fix or prevent things from getting worse.

A couple of years ago I went and had a spa facial done, and before hand they have you fill out a form letting them know what kinds of products you are using and what your concerns are. I was washing my face with soap and my biggest concern was the discolorations. The lady told me soap is bad. What!!! My mother never told me not to use soap on my face! I'd been using it for the last 10 years or so. They were trying to sell me their products though which were much more expensive than I was willing to pay for. So maybe soap is why my skin is still hideous. Or maybe it's just that I'm more sensitive to how it looks now that I'm into my 30s. Maybe if I'd obsessed about it half as much in my 20s, it would look much better now. I don't really know. I did however wear sunscreen most if not all of the time so I think my spots are from birth control. But I don't know if going off of it will clear it up or not.

I probably didn't worry about my skin in my 20's because I spent it worrying about my gray hair. My first gray hair was discovered in a foreign country at 19. Well I didn't worry about it so much as I made the decision to start dying it to hide the gray hair. The older I get the more I'm getting. This puts me in a very awkward place because I'm a brunette and I don't have enough gray to go blond (which would make me look silly), but I'm getting more and more gray that covering it up with dye just isn't lasting long. And I feel I'm much to young to go platinum silver (which I love) even if I had enough gray hair to warrant it. And I much too cheap a person to keep up with what ever method I choose. Hmmm what's woman to do?

Either way, I don't much like obsessing over anything whether it's the small lines or wrinkles around my eyes or a new gray hair that I haven't pulled out yet. It is kind of awkward explaining to a coworker that you are indeed 10 years younger than he is and that he's either terribly not smooth with the ladies and has just sent you into a horrible depression as he's just robbed you of 10 years of youthful beauty. I don't know who felt more awkward after that conversation, me or him. I'm guessing he didn't get it based on other short sighted comments he's made, so probably I felt the most awkward after that conversation. After all, I'm the one obsessing. I suppose it goes along with much of the rest of my life, a great big pile of awkward fun....

This 41 looking 31 year old is open to any tips and secrets you all might have for me.

May 17, 2009

There is Spackle on Your Colon...WHAT?!?!?

This post is inspired by those disgusting commercials I keep hearing on the radio for colon cleanses. Maybe this wasn't so much the responsibility of my mother to teach me as my doctor. Or her doctor for that matter so she could know to teach me. None-the-less neither of these two people EVER told me I should worry about 5 lbs of spackle on my colon walls!!! But there it is on the radio so it MUST be true.

After hearing the commercial for the 50th time and contemplating 5 lbs of spackle on my colon wall, I was this (--) close to making an appointment with my doctor to ask her about the spackle on my colon wall and the best way to get rid of it. That would have been a very awkward conversation. "Doc, I'm terrified of the spackle on my colon walls. I don't want to die of spackle build up...why didn't you ever discuss this with me on my routine yearly check ups?" How awkward it would be to have your doctor laugh hysterically at you, when you didn't tell a joke.

It was this picture in my mind that lead me back to reason. If there were really 5 lbs of spackle on my colon wall, I would be terribly sick or in pain. We wouldn't be dying of the swine flu, we'd be dropping like flies from the full body infection from the 5 lbs of spackle that had been festering and growing on our colon walls for the last however many years. Seriously!!! It would be an epidemic of devastating proportions, and the colon cleanse inventors would have won a noble prize for saving humanity from certain early deaths. Our doctors would prescribing colonics and colon cleanses on a monthly basis to keep us alive since our bodies weren't doing their jobs right.

I'm glad reason and logic saved me from perhaps the most awkward conversation ever in my life.

May 11, 2009

Ode to Bill O'Reilly's Mom!

Continuing on with the mother's day theme, here's a tribute to Bill O'Reilly's mom.
The following video is rated R for language. Bill O'Reilly's language. I don't know how many of you have seen the Bill O'Reilly flip out when he was on Access Hollywood. But if not here it is....

What I'm leading up to is our discovery of the "Dance Remix" to it. Which is a heavier R rating than the original, so be wary of your kids seeing it. This is really very hilarious and made possible by Bill O'Reilly's mom not teaching him how to handle stressful situations with grace. I hope he takes good care of her. I'm guessing she put up with a lot...Enjoy!!!

May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!!!

This site is dedicated to my mother, who made the idea for this site possible with her mothering and raising me to be independent and learn many lessons though experience.

And to all the mothers who let us all learn life's awkward lessons through experience.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!!! I Love You!!!

May 3, 2009

Not Everyone Has Dignity in Public Restrooms

This will be a re post of another blog I had Sunshine Insight, that very few of you probably saw. That is because it was the first post, which was way before I got it posted on the various blog directories, unless you looked at the archive on it. Anyways the topic is basically etiquette in public restrooms. Something I feel passionately opinionated about. I suppose because my mom must have taught me good bathroom manners, or instilled a sense of private prudeness. (this is a good thing to me) What she didn't or couldn't really prepare me for was the behavior of others in public restrooms that don't meet my quite possibly unreasonably high standards. But then again, cell phones weren't widely utilized when I was a kid. But I'm quite certain there are a large number of you that agree with me even though I already know a large number of you are going to think I need help. But I'm not sure there's much more awkward than having to use an occupied public restroom. It's something I think most of us get used to as a matter of survival. And don't think I don't feel sympathy for the guys who have to stand shoulder to shoulder. Some of my below "rules" would still apply there in my mind. I'd be in a stall every time regardless of what I were doing if I were a guy. Anyways I hope you get a laugh from it......Enjoy....

Am I the only one that wonders this? Since I am a woman, I only have the vantage point of a woman. But how many times do I have to walk into a public restroom that has been freshly stinkified?? I got the inspiration for this working a temp job at a place that had a bathroom with 4 stalls. Now most of the employees were women and there were quite a few, so the probability of being in there while others were in there was relatively high. However, it was possible to get some alone time in there and I completely understand people taking advantage of that alone time because when you gotta go, you gotta go at the risk of major medical problems later.

The problem that I have is when someone walks into a bathroom that is occupied and doesn’t follow the unspoken rules of public restroom etiquette. For example, if I’m already in a stall and you need to make a stinky, then do your best to wait until I leave. If the person occupying the stall is also making a stinky then that rule doesn’t apply. Also if there are 4 stalls when you walk in, and I’ve taken the first or last stall, don’t take the stall right next to me unless the other 2 stalls are just rank and filthy. There’s no need to crowd me when I’m peeing. I wouldn’t do it to you so do me the same courtesy.

I believe women ought to approach the bathroom as I imagine guys do. When you open the bathroom door, put your guy hat on and quickly process your options so as to seem the least gay. Only in the females’ case, I look at it as the respecting yours and the others’ personal space. I realize that not all women care if another woman hears them taking care of business. But I won’t even pee in front of my husband. Why would I want another woman to listen to my business? Which brings me to another rule. Don’t talk to me while I’m doing my business. It really has nothing to do with not being able to pee and talk at the same time as it does sharing a private conversation with the rest of the women in the bathroom. Even though they have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not as a stickler for this rule as some of the others. I’m more of a go with the flow as long as you don’t pick the stall right next to me while conversing with me. And if the conversation could be construed as rude, immature, or just plain ridiculous, just save it.

Since I have learned that very few women have dignity when it comes to the bathroom, I have come up with another rule for common courtesy in the bathroom. If you must make an ungodly noise while in the bathroom, smelly or not, please have the dignity to not show your face to me. I don’t want to look you in the eye and know what disturbing sounds you are capable of making, whether I know you or not. In the work place, I may not know you well but I most likely will see your face again, and there’s no telling if I may have to work with you in the future. You and I both know that if we have to sit in a meeting together, all I will be able to think about is how gross and undignified I think you are because you dared show your face to me in the bathroom. I mean how difficult is it to sit and wait 30 seconds for me to leave, especially when you hear me washing my hands? If I had a dollar for every time a woman made a horrendous noise while I’m washing my hands, I’d probably be retired.

That leads me to my next rule in the bathroom. WASH YOUR FREAKIN HANDS WHEN YOU’RE DONE!!! It’s so gross to be at the sink and see someone come out of a stall behind you and go straight for the door. That is the reason why bathroom doors are so disgustingly dirty. There is no reason for that. If we all washed our hands it wouldn’t be as much of an issue. I suppose that all public restrooms could do us a favor by making sure that the paper towels and trashcan are located right next to the door so that those of us that do wash don’t have to touch the door. Better yet, just make them censored doors. Toilets and sinks are now censored so we don’t have to touch and spread germies. I’ve even seen censored paper towel dispensers. So it makes sense to have automatic doors doesn’t it? That way we don’t have to worry about touching a tainted door or kicking it open or whatever.

Oh and I don’t want to leave out the rudeness of talking on the phone while in said public bathroom on the pot. Seriously, is your conversation so important that it can’t wait a few minutes? It makes us other users weired out to hear a one sided conversation where we have to guess the other side of the conversation. “nothing”. Presumably a response to “What are you doing”….where the more appropriate response would be, “I brought you into the bathroom with me, can you tell?”I once worked a temp job where the boss walked around with a blue-tooth attached to his ear most of the day. Many times he’d walk out the door down the hall to the right while in a conversation, not with me. The only thing I knew to be down the hall to the right was the bathroom. He’d always come back a few minutes later still talking on that thing. I hope and pray that the person on the other end of that conversation was family only. Which is still rude, but much more understandable and less offensive than business associates. I always wondered if he was alone in the bathroom or if there were ever other men in there while he was talking on the phone. I can only assume one can never ever always have a public bathroom to themselves.


Don’t bring your phone into the bathroom, and if you do, never under any circumstances answer it even if it is family. It can wait a few minutes until your done. Trust me. No phone call is so important that you must attend to it while in the bathroom. And if it is, hold off on going to the bathroom until after your conversation is through.There I've said my peace, but I reserve the right to comment more on this subject later.

April 22, 2009

Never Accept a Mass Public Proposal

I just got wind of this story this morning and thought I'd write about it since it's a topic I feel passionate about. A T.V. news reporter in Little Rock Arkansas proposed to his anchor girlfriend on camera during a news cast. It was very awkward for me just to listen to him speak. Here's the video if you're interested.

Quite honestly my mother never specifically taught me this, but she did teach me values and help me develop independent thought that led me to my personal set of values that developed my opinion on this topic. I know that many of you think a public proposal such as this or at a professional sporting event is so romantic, but that's your narcissistic side coming though. This is one subject you should suppress your desire to be the center of attention. That's what the wedding is for.

First of all this is a very private decision and a very private moment. It should be special to the two of you. I'm not a huge fan of restaurant proposals either but this is a much more intimate setting than a ball game or on the evening news. And a restaurant may represent a special memory for the two of you, so when I say public, I mean when thousands and thousands of people or more are FORCED to witness your proposal. The only choice they have in not witnessing it is if they happen to be in the bathroom at the time or to change the channel. But the train has started wrecking at this point and you can't change the channel in the off chance that she will turn him down. As she should every time but rarely does. Thousands of people should never be forced to be a part of such a special moment.

It's a sign of weakness and insecurity. Is he so unsure of her answer that he needs the support of thousands of strangers to convince or perhaps guilt her into saying yes? How is he going to feel if she turns him down? Awkward...This is a big red flag in my book. I think it's a red flag to a guy if his girlfriend wants a very public proposal. It goes both ways for the red flags. If my husband had done that to me, it would have been a signal to me that he really didn't know me at all.

Quite honestly I'm not even a fan of a proposal in front of the family but I realize that each family dynamic is different so I'm not even talking about that for the purpose of this post.

This is just my opinion and I'm prepared for the opposing opinions. You have a right to your opinion and I have the right to turn down anyone that proposes to me in the company of a large crowd.

April 12, 2009

Boobs Aren't All That Bad

It's really kind of an oddity, boobs. Well it was for me. I knew the functional purpose for boobs growing up with regards to babies. My mom did a good job of teaching me that. But that was it. So when I started to get them, I thought it would be great. And then my mom took me bra shopping which gave me a harsh dose of reality.

I had gone my whole life care free and unrestrained with nothing but a shirt, and now I had to wear a contraption under my shirt that was supposed to contain them?!?! Well this just wasn't comfortable and it inhibited my way of life. Boys didn't so much like them as they liked to pop the bra strap in the back in an effort to humiliate you. Or maybe they were trying to get as close to touching a booby as they could since it would be quite awhile for most of them.

Then as the boobies got bigger they just seemed to get in the way. When you ran in any sport they would bounce up and down to sky and ground over and over and over. The bigger they were, the worse they bounced. And this didn't feel so comfortable either. I'm wondering now why sports bras weren't mandatory for PE when I was in school. Maybe they were in some schools but not ours. It sure would have helped. They just contributed to my awkwardness growing up since one minute you don't have them and all of sudden, before you know it, you're sprouting these benign tumors that just keep growing and growing and serve you no immediate purpose other than pain and discomfort.

Anyways I had no idea back then that they would turn out to be a source of "stimulation"...but that's where I'll leave it. They also contribute to looking and feeling more feminine. So it turns out they're not so bad. But of course the older we get the saggier they get. oh no...

Speaking of saggy boobies and the functional purpose of boobies for the nourishment of babies, did any of you see the clip of Al Roker sharing his brush with both on the Today Show? If you haven't seen it, here is the link to the video. Watch at your own risk as you will feel so sorry for his child that he put this out there in the universe. But it is funny.

So I guess the moral of this post is that boobs aren't all that bad if you're a woman.

April 5, 2009

How To Get Used to Your Brother Liking Your Friends

I have an older brother. He's married now to someone that we didn't grow up with or go to school with, so I lucked out. He introduced me to her, not the other way around. This is how it should be. But there were many years that it didn't work out this way. All the way up until he finally went to college. We were in high school together for one year. That might have been the worst for me regarding this topic. But first I will start from the beginning.

Back in 2nd grade (5th for him), we went to a 2 teacher school that probably had a total of 20-25 students in grades 1-8. I still thought boys were oogy back then, but my brother did not think girls were oogy. He thought they were cute. He wasn't going to do anything with them obviously but you remember how it was when you were 10 or 11. Anyways I had this friend who was new to our school and she was in my grade, so since there were 4 of us in 2nd grade and 3 of us were girls, naturally we became friends. Somewhere along the way in hanging out with her, my brother was around her too. He saw her everyday so why wouldn't he notice her out of 20 people? I don't know how I figured it out but somewhere along the way he either told me or made it apparent that he found her attractive or liked her or something like that. Ohhh!!! Stay away from my friend!!!!

We left a year later and moved to a new school and made new friends. This school was bigger but for some reason not big enough. The new friend I made in my class was the only other girl in my grade, not the school but my grade. My brother had several cute girls in his class but he still liked my friend....WHAT!?!?! Again he was really too young to really do anything about it. But I'm convinced he was bold enough to let her know before she moved away. I can't really remember and I don't really care to. In the meantime not only did my brother like her but so did every other boy within a grade or two of us probably. I do know one boy in my class sent her the "will you be my special friend" note. I never got one of those so I think I was probably more jealous of her than anything. But my brother wasn't supposed to be piling onto this admiration for her!!!! After she moved away I had a few years of peace, I suppose because the girls his age were hitting puberty and sprouting boobies, so he had other girls to capture his attention for a few years until my class caught up.

So after a few years we moved again and went to another school. Bigger than the 2nd school but still relatively small in relation to public schools. I was in 7th grade at this point and he was in high school. This meant I had another couple of years of peace, maybe because most of us were in the midst of the most awkward years any girl goes through. Even the "hot" girls were a little awkward at this age in that they were still a little flat, or had pizza faces, or glasses, or said weird things, or had other awkward things happening to them in front of the audience of the rest of the school to witness, point, and laugh. (This is how it went for me in my head.)

The minute I got to high school, a new flock of students joined our class that didn't experience the most awkward years of their life in front of the whole school. So wouldn't you know it there was a new group of girls for my brother to notice. He'd had a couple years experience at dating by this point and he wasn't shy. This is why this was the worst time period in my life for him to like my friends. This was the year that he actually asked some of them to banquets or on dates or to hang out or whatever. Gag me!!!! Again only because his friends weren't asking me to banquets or on dates or to hang out or whatever. He did throw me a bone once in awhile by letting me and my friends hang out with him and his friends. But only if they came over to our house to watch movies or something like that. Before he wouldn't have invited them over if I was going to be there. Doesn't matter, he still wasn't supposed to ask my friends out!!! What was wrong with girls his own age. He dated so much maybe he'd been out with all of them and didn't want to go out with any of them again. Or maybe they were turning him down. He had a few steady girlfriends (at different times) but mostly just went out for fun with several different girls. I suppose I should be grateful that he didn't date any of my friends long term. Only went on one or two dates with them. Didn't make it any less painful for me.


Am I the only one that had this problem growing up? Please let me know if I'm not alone. I'm over it now. Although I suppose you could hardly tell if I'm writing about it. My mother never prepared me for the possibility of my brother liking my friends. I suppose she told me to get over it. I don't really remember it. I mean it's not like she could tell him "don't like your sister's friends," any more than she could tell me "don't like your brother's friends."

Oh well...I'm glad he married who he did rather than one of my friends. That would have been weird for me. Although, she is only 10 days older than me....Hmmm....Guess he never got over his thing for the ladies 3 years younger than him. Now that we are adults, it's way less weird.

March 29, 2009

How to Ask for or Accept Help From a Man

This may have something to do with growing up in the midst of the gaining strength of the feminist movement which taught America that men were all pigs or dogs (I happen to love dogs) no matter what they did and women didn't need a man. So here I am growing up in this culture throwing this message at me left and right while my mom was teaching me independence. So I'm sure my brain mixed the messages up a bit rather than filter out the ridiculous one.

I have always been proud of my independence and had an interest and ability to learn things that have always been traditionally "male" responsible task. For example I love mowing lawn, I got my dad to teach me how to work on my car when I owned American, as well as basic maintenance things that apply regardless of your car's country of development. I didn't need any man's help for anything and if I did, I would call my dad. He was the only man capable of helping me. Not to mention stranger danger, and don't trust a stranger to help, you because they will probably tie you up, throw you in their trunk and you'll disappear from the face of the earth and no one will know what happened to you.

My trusty friend, who I can look back and say she and I had our heads on straight for the most part, discussed this and how we felt it was actually a weakness of ours rather than a strength. How can a man prove he's a man to you if you won't let him be a man and help you when you are in distress, even if you don't really NEED him to help you.

A perfectly great example of this happened when I was driving my car full of friends and we were probably out to go to dinner and a movie. I do believe I was in a hurry driving and I jumped the curb (I don't know how else to say it) and ended up cutting my tire and it went flat. I was myself for being so stupid. At least two of my friends had cell phones and between the two of them either had road side assistance or AAA or something that would have come and changed my tire for free since it didn't matter who owned the car. Stubborn me already knew good and well how to change a stupid tire and I didn't need anyone to come out and change my freaking tire. I just need to vent my anger while I changed my tire. The whole time they are telling me that it's really no big deal to call someone. Well what they didn't get at the time I think, is that my ego was shot for being careless and causing my own flat tire. I had to redeem myself by proving that Yes I Amber Sunshine could change my own tire, with a few choice words, without the help of a professional. So I did and we laughed about how silly I was for years.

I knew this was an issue I needed to work on, but pride is a hard thing to set aside. And I do believe that was at the core of my problem. I'm trying to remember how my friend and I decided to handle it. I think we just decided to be more conscious of it and to make more of an effort to let people help when they offered.

An example of this came sometime in college again related to a flat tire. I was driving up to my dad's house by myself on Thanksgiving or Christmas, and I'm not sure what happened but a few exits before his house, my tire went flat and I pulled over. I wasn't mad this time, it was no big deal. I would just change my tire and be on my way. Before I could even get everything out of my trunk some strangers (OH NO!!!) stopped and offered to help. I was dressed nicer than normal and I knew they were being nice on such a holiday and didn't have to stop. Rather than freak out and run screaming "STRANGER DANGER" down the road, I graciously said thank you and let them take care of my tire and about 10 minutes later I was on my way. Not stuffed in anyone's trunk if you can believe it!! I didn't have dirty hands, and I had accepted help. There was at least one other time that I was stranded, maybe for gas, at night that someone did stop and help. It's much scarier at night than during the day. There have also been other times I was stranded that people weren't so kind to stop and help and I had to hike it to the nearest gas station (before I had a cell phone) to call for help.

What I learned was that accepting or asking for help is not giving up my independence. It is in fact being resourceful and getting by even when mommy and daddy are no longer around to bail me out when I'm in trouble. And that's just as important as being independent.

March 22, 2009

How to Dance

I grew up in religious home that believed dancing was a mortal sin punishable by death. (I'm exaggerating, my church doesn't believe that nor do my parents.) I also went to church school where we had banquets, hence why I didn't have dances or proms in high school to go to which I guess is where most kids learn how to or perfect the art of relaxing and dancing. That said I will agree that there is a lot of dirty dancing going on that is just ridiculous and simulated sex on the dance floor. But you don't have to dirty nasty dance to have a good time on the dance floor. And this is something that my parents really couldn't teach me because my mother didn't grow up dancing and I'm not sure that my dad was the kind of guy that danced in high school. He just hung out.

Even though my parents didn't teach me to dance that doesn't mean I didn't turn the radio up in my room and flail my arms and legs about in some thrashing manner to the beat of the music. I have rhythm and hearing the beat and moving to it has never been the problem. Here's where the problem was; in my room only I could see myself in the mirror, there was no audience around to look at me and see just how silly and ridiculous I looked. When no one was watching, I didn't care how I looked, I was having fun and expending loads of energy all at the same time without the fear of of laughing and pointing at me by a whole dance floor or room of people. As a result of my private sessions, let's just say I can do a mean running man which took lots and lots of practice. And now when the Office theme song comes on TV, I tear it up on the living room floor much to the entertainment of my husband who refuses to join me.

I did just fine with this in junior high and high school. But then college came and I made a trip to Austin with a friend to visit a friend. We decided to go down town to the world famous 6th street to hang out and catch any random band playing. So we went into a place and a reggae band was playing. We were just standing there enjoying the music (standing room only) without moving a muscle. After a bit we started to notice everyone around us was relaxed and moving to the music. It didn't really come to my mind at this point in time that they were either drunk, high, or both so they were chemically relaxed. Instead, it occured to us that we ought to relax and enjoy ourselves and not be so stiff. So there we were doing our best to sway to the music while feeling awkward and stiff. Do you know what a board looks like swaying to music? Well that was me. I was also fighting a look of shame and embarrassment on my face at the same time too. Luckily it wasn't brightly lit but in my mind that didn't matter. My face was glowing red and lighting up the room and it was as if somone was yelling through a bullhorn telling the room to look and how dumb and silly I looked stiffly bopping and swaying to the music. This wasn't even dancing. This was attempting to do something that should be easy. But not so much much for me.

Later in college I went to establishments prime for dirty dancing. It took a few times to build up the courage to go out on the floor with a female friend and just jump around. In fact that might have been the song to get me out there, I don't really remember. Jumping is a good way to start loosening up though. As time went by and I realized that people cared more about drawing attention to themselves than looking at me, I relaxed and embraced my inner dancing queen since most people looked as or more ridiculous than I did.

Whenever a country song came on, slow or not, I'd leave the dance floor. This is because, 1 I hated country and more importantly 2, it usually involved coordinated steps, which went against my nature. One time, one of my friends convinced me to go out there and he was going to teach me to two step. Awkward. This was my first attempt at dancing where you follow someone else's lead. So he told and showed me what my feet needed to do and where my hands went and we were off. This kind of dancing actually makes much more sense than my way, but requires much more discipline, control, and relaxing I think than I have. Anyways I generally spent the whole time counting my steps and looking at my feet, because when I wasn't doing those things, I would get off step and so it was just best if I concentrated. Besides, what are you supposed to do with your eyes?? Make googly eyes at each other. He was hot but he had a girlfriend and I wasn't about to step in on someone else's territory. So that added to the awkwardness. So I decided feet were better than eyes at this point. I was glad I tried and learned it though because it gave me the ability to try it a few other times. Even though I remained somewhat stiff, I still did it. Which was better than not trying at all.

I usually danced with my female friends or a few guy friends since they were "safe." If a guy I didn't know wanted to dance, I would give him an opportunity, but if he tried to put his hands on me or invade my personal space, I was out of there. As time went on, I found out that I had a sign flashing on my forehead that said "back off." Or something along those lines. The older I got, the more I made sure it was flashing when I went into a facility of drinking and dancing. This is because I had more fun dancing with my friends than fighting of some drunk guy rubbing his business up against me. That was not my idea of fun. And I found myself not getting asked to dance nearly as much as my other friends. And I was quite alright with this especially since I wasn't there to find my husband. Anyone that thinks they can find a quality mate in a bar or a club is crazy. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, I'm just saying that wasn't the place to find someone with similar values as mine and it wasn't my intention either. My only intention was to have fun and get some good exercise.

I once took free or cheap dancing lessons with a friend and it was us and some women, and some smelly unattractive older guys. I don't remember but there may have been one or two dirty (pervy) old men there. If I remember correctly there were more women than men and my friend and I ending up dancing together a few times. I think I was usually the man. Because I'm taller of course. Anyways my suggestion is if you ever go to dance classes, take a partner of the opposite sex with you. Because if you're like me switching from leading to following is simply not possible in such a short amount of time. It was still fun though.

I think the trick is to take multi-purpose dance class when you are little. Then you can get over the anxiety of looking like a doofus because you have the confidence of a trained dancer. At least for girls.

March 15, 2009

Your Neanderthal Eyebrows...Well They Don't have to be

This kind of fits into some of the previous posts dealing with bodily hair and grooming, however as they deserved their own post, I figured I'd give the eyebrows their own post too. How old were you all when you started grooming your eyebrows? Did you even need to groom them or were you born with perfect eyebrow size, length, and shape?

I wasn't. Neither was my brother. I suppose he had it worse than me but guys usually get a pass for longer than girls do I think. He pretty much had the unibrow look going on. I'm not sure when he started to fix that but I'm sure it had to do with a chick he was dating at the time. It definitely was not my mother. And he solved it by shaving down between his eyes. I wish it were that simple for girls. My problem was more so in shape. I think it was like having two hairy rectangles. They may have been more like triangles. Either way they weren't attractive.

I remember once my dad took me to get a haircut from a lady we went to church with and she decided to experiment on my eyebrows. With my dad's permission of course. I suppose it was gratis. This was when I was about 12 I believe. The pain was not nearly the pain experienced from previously discussed bikini wax, but I do recall some pain. Also I distinctly remember the waxing missing a whole load of eyebrows which meant she followed up with what seemed like a marathon session of tweezing. Every once in awhile the tweezing caused more pain than should be inflicted on a 12 year old child. I knew this was more work than I cared to keep up with. I also decided that if beauty was this much pain, I wanted no part of it. Come to think of it, this might also explain my previously discussed difficulty with getting dates in high school. hmmm funny how writing about somethings can bring enlightenment about other thing...

Sometime during high school, I started to notice that my friends had shapely, girly looking eyebrows. Kind of like what you see in magazines. I vaguely remember having a conversation about it with one of my friends. I also remember reading about shaping your eyebrows in magazines. Between the two of them, I decided that tweezing was going to be my best option, and that I should tweeze bottom up and never top down so as to open up my eyes. But I must say, I wasn't looking forward to it based on my experience years before. This must have been the moment that I decided beauty was worth a certain amount of pain. My hope was that I'd get used to the pain. I suppose I did although it still hurts a little.

If I remember correctly I took a little at a time off the bottom since my impression was that it was labor intensive to do it all at once. Plus I might screw up if I did it all at once. One thing I learned was that I didn't have bushy eyebrows. They were kind of thin. So at one point I tweezed them so much that I had a short line of brow that didn't cover the length of my eye. To the point that most people in the know about all things beauty would have figured out how to draw them in. But not me. Nor did anyone teach me about this. I put up with this for the longest time and figured that was normal looking.

A few years later I decided to go through the painfully awkward process of trying to grow them out. I'm really lucky they grew back. I say painful process because you get used to a look and you have to keep yourself from compulsively plucking hairs that are out of place until you have eyebrows again. Mine aren't the most beautiful, but they are better than they once were. All of this I learned without the advice of my mother. I think she may have been born with perfect eyebrows. That must be why she didn't think to help me with this. That's ok, I had to choose when I was ready to endure the pain of beauty.