December 17, 2008

Tampons Are Your Friend

Ok at some point in time on this blog I must bring up the incredibly awkward topic of tampons. Now is as good of time as any to discuss it. I have never understood the girls that were excited about starting their period. I didn't look forward to it, and knowing what I know now, I wish I had been one of the lucky ones that started at 15, 16, or 17. But I'm a very average girl and despite being athletic and active, 12 was my lucky number. What a drag!!!

So when I entered womanhood, my mother gave me a package of pads and I thought that was it for me. This was how I was supposed to tolerate 13 whole weeks out of the year. No I wasn't one of the lucky ones to have one visit for only 2 or 3 days out of the month. It was 7 whole days not a minute less. But occasionally in an act of hate a torture a few days more. Also I didn't just need two or three pads a day, I need that many an hour for the first few days. So tampons would have saved my life and a whole lot of embarrassment through the most awkward years of my life.

I spent the first few years as a woman living in morbid fear that I would suffer leakage problems. And then when the inevitable leakage happened, I lived in morbid fear that everyone would notice. Even dark pants and long t-shirts did not always do enough to hide my problems. No wonder many people call it the curse. You are cursed to spend the first several years figuring out how to contain it until it no longer causes you great humiliation. Even tampons were not the full answer to this, but they sure helped a whole freaking lot!!!

No my mother did not introduce me to a life of swimming and riding horses and running on the beach, a friend did. I never asked my mother and she never offered. We were going to the lake for some kind of school or church outing to ski and what not. I love the lake!!! I did NOT want to miss out on the lake!!! But in my current situation at the time, I was going to sit in the boat and watch everyone else have fun. Anyone that knew me, knew that was NOT NORMAL, so therefore they could deduce one of two things, I was on my period, or I went insane. I would have preferred the insane as the thought of people knowing I was on my period, especially boys, was more embarrassing than anything I could think of at that time in my life.

So we spent 20 or 30 minutes in the bathroom while she tried to talk me through it from outside the stall. I don't know how sisters handle these kinds of situations, but I do not have sisters so that was as much help as she could give me. Finally I figured it out and my life has never been the same since. So girls, my best advice to you is to talk to your mom about them early on in your life as a woman if she doesn't offer them to you at the beginning.

If you're anything like me, you read the directions, warnings, and labels and tampons were no different. Being a closet hypochondriac, I immediately developed a fear of Toxic Shock Syndrome. I didn't understand what it was, I just knew if you left one in too long, you could get this dreaded disease which could lead to DEATH!!! I did decide that the reward outweigh the risk, but I did worry about this for many years. One time I lost one up there. When I got home I couldn't find it to save my life and I remember waking my mom up to tell her. She told me not to worry about it that it would come out in time. Well that was easier said than done. I thought this was an emergency. The next day I was either bored or trying not to think about it and so I went outside to jump on my trampoline. Lesson number 2 girls; If you get a tampon stuck "up there," don't freak out. Find a trampoline and jump on it until you feel it dislodge. It will all be ok. You can probably get to this before TSS sets in. If the trampoline doesn't work, well me being a closet hypochondriac, would advise going to the ER or your doctor.

Well that's all I got on what might be the most awkward recurring event in a girl's life. I survived and so will you. In fact you might even be able to go through a check out that a boy is working at to purchase feminine products one day. But maybe not. But that's ok too.


Traci said...

Nice title. I laughed out loud!

cube said...

I learned these lessons myself. My daughters, on the other hand, were given all the options.

Amber Sunshine said...

Yeah this is an option I'd make readily available if I ever have a daughter..

Lisa said...

I was 11 when I started my period and I hated every cycle. I would writh in pain, curled in a fetal position on my bed. I wouldn't leave the bedroom for 2 days. Oh the cramps!! About 3 cycles later, I walked into the kitchen after sweating out the worst of the two-day pain and my mom casually said, "you can take something for cramps." Wha?!? All I had to take was ibuprofen?!?
As a side note, it took me 7 years to figure out how a tampon worked. On my own. Would have been nice, much earlier on!

Amber Sunshine said...

Don't hate me but I didn't have cramps, but I had friends that were miserable. 3 cycles to tell you there's help for that!!! It's like they want us to suffer a bit (pain or embarrassment) as payback for being bitchy drama-queens.