In the spirit of Christmas I decided to post about what used to be my favorite time of the year as a kid. Now it's Thanksgiving, because there are not gifts, candy, or other merchandising pressures on that Holiday. It's just a time to get together with family and friends and be Thankful for them and for life and to enjoy time with them.
Christmas should be about that universally, and if you're a Christian the birth of Christ. But as I've aged it seems like it's become more about the commercialism. Gifts this and gifts that. When I was younger and didn't have expenses I loved buying gifts for my family and friends. It gave me great pleasure to give them something that hopefully I had picked up on that they wanted or would like.
However I remember the exact moment it changed for me. I was in college and suddenly one year it became about "I want you to get me this" and "so and so is going to get me that." I didn't like being told want to get someone. It took the joy out of getting them something that I had thought of knowing them and their personality and their likes etc. That's when the fun of giving at Christmas started to leave for me. Not to mention for the next several years out of college I was broke and couldn't meet the expectations of giving to some people.
I was too dumb and at the time talentless to think of making gifts back then. But I would love to see everyone thumb their nose at the commercialism of Christmas and get creative in their gifts. Maybe it's making a meal, cookies, or bread. Maybe it's drawing or painting a picture. Maybe it's sewing or knitting something. Maybe it's building something out of wood like chair or table. Maybe it's giving your time to babysit, or mow the lawn, or clean the house. Maybe you have some other skill or talent to share with family and friends. It doesn't mean you won't spend any money, but you might spend a lot less and you put your time and heart in it.
I know many people already do this, I just wish I'd thought of this for myself a lot sooner than this year. It also takes time to change traditions in families, and sometimes you may not be successful to the point you'd like to be. It's sometimes hard to change habits cold turkey. But let's take back Christmas to make it about true giving rather than superficial giving.
I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!
December 20, 2009
December 6, 2009
Is Crying Because You Lost Manly?
Here's one for the guys that the ladies can maintain interest in and an have an opinion about. The premise is not "is it ok for a man to cry ever," because I will agree that there are appropriate times for a man to cry. Well in reality this should apply to women too, however it's more acceptable for women to cry for no reason or at the drop of a hat. What shouldn't be appropriate for women is to cry as a manipulation tool, which many of us either have done or do.
But I digress.
Yesterday after Florida's loss to Alabama (college football for those of you still not following me), Florida's quarterback Tim Tebow was crying. Of course he was spared from the cameras so there were plenty of good shots of him crying so there's no mistaking that he had something stuck in his eyes other than tears. They didn't even stack up to Alabama and he was crying because they lost. This isn't the first time he's cried because his team lost a game.
I personally think it's awkward for a man to show such a display after losing a game. And I think less of him as a man. It makes him look like a spoiled brat that he didn't get his way. Little kids cry after losing a game, not men. My first thought is does that boy have a daddy to teach him how to be a man? Or did he only have a mother and thus learned how not to control his emotions when it's appropriate to control them.
Losing a game is not an appropriate time to cry. Though feel free to disagree with me if you like. You'll still be wrong in my eyes. And I'm sure I'll remain wrong in your eyes. I don't much care for crying for joy either after a win, but that's less offensive than crying because you didn't win the game. Tell me what you think.
But I digress.
Yesterday after Florida's loss to Alabama (college football for those of you still not following me), Florida's quarterback Tim Tebow was crying. Of course he was spared from the cameras so there were plenty of good shots of him crying so there's no mistaking that he had something stuck in his eyes other than tears. They didn't even stack up to Alabama and he was crying because they lost. This isn't the first time he's cried because his team lost a game.
I personally think it's awkward for a man to show such a display after losing a game. And I think less of him as a man. It makes him look like a spoiled brat that he didn't get his way. Little kids cry after losing a game, not men. My first thought is does that boy have a daddy to teach him how to be a man? Or did he only have a mother and thus learned how not to control his emotions when it's appropriate to control them.
Losing a game is not an appropriate time to cry. Though feel free to disagree with me if you like. You'll still be wrong in my eyes. And I'm sure I'll remain wrong in your eyes. I don't much care for crying for joy either after a win, but that's less offensive than crying because you didn't win the game. Tell me what you think.
November 25, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
Here's hoping some of you have awkwardly funny Thanksgiving moments to share with the rest of us!!! Who knows maybe I'll have one :)
November 15, 2009
He Doesn't Belong With You
So it's virtually impossible not to here the Taylor Swift song on the radio since even if you only listen while driving to work in the mornings. So the song I'm referring to is that "You Belong With Me." If you haven't figured out why she's making millions off of it, listen to the words, it's what every not dating girl aged 14-24 is thinking about their guy friends that they have unrequited crushes on. These guys apparently like talking to them and hanging out with them, while they are dating and kissing on other girls.
I can remember several times growing up where I didn't understand why "he" didn't see the chemistry between us that I saw. This is because my mother didn't teach me what I sense I may not have listened to, thus requiring that I learn this lesson on my own over time. If I could talk to Taylor and all other other girls out there this is what I'd say:
"He doesn't belong with you. He's not romantically interested in you, and probably never will be, otherwise he'd be asking you out on dates, not kissing on those other girls. He probably respects you and likes you as a person, but even if you put on a cheerleader outfit or high heels and cute skirt and lots of makeup, he still won't see what you want him to see. He knows you want him and that feeds his ego. That's why he makes sure to keep you in the 'friend zone.'"
"You belong with someone whose heart and butterflies flutter when he sees you. You belong with someone who only has eyes for you. You belong with someone you choose who chooses you back. You belong with someone who wouldn't string you along just to feed his ego. You belong with someone who makes you a better person and is a better person by virtue of being with you. You belong with someone who you sweep off of their feet rather than the other way around."
"He belongs with someone else not because he's a bad person or an egomaniac, but because he doesn't belong with you. He is too immature for you or anyone right now, but hopefully he'll find someone someday that sweeps him off his feet and makes him become a man. He belongs with someone who will make him a better person by virtue of being with her. He deserves the same thing you do, he's just not choosing it with you. So don't waste your time pining when you could be missing out on spending time with lots of other great guys that do meet those conditions."
Perhaps this is a lesson that girls must learn on their own, but I'll be damned if I don't try to teach or at least warn any daughters of mine that I see wasting their time pining over some boy who is stringing them along. This lesson didn't apply to every boy I had a crush on, just the ones who were actually friends and were spending time with me.
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but had I wrote that song I'd be a millionaire too! I just lived it more or less.
I can remember several times growing up where I didn't understand why "he" didn't see the chemistry between us that I saw. This is because my mother didn't teach me what I sense I may not have listened to, thus requiring that I learn this lesson on my own over time. If I could talk to Taylor and all other other girls out there this is what I'd say:
"He doesn't belong with you. He's not romantically interested in you, and probably never will be, otherwise he'd be asking you out on dates, not kissing on those other girls. He probably respects you and likes you as a person, but even if you put on a cheerleader outfit or high heels and cute skirt and lots of makeup, he still won't see what you want him to see. He knows you want him and that feeds his ego. That's why he makes sure to keep you in the 'friend zone.'"
"You belong with someone whose heart and butterflies flutter when he sees you. You belong with someone who only has eyes for you. You belong with someone you choose who chooses you back. You belong with someone who wouldn't string you along just to feed his ego. You belong with someone who makes you a better person and is a better person by virtue of being with you. You belong with someone who you sweep off of their feet rather than the other way around."
"He belongs with someone else not because he's a bad person or an egomaniac, but because he doesn't belong with you. He is too immature for you or anyone right now, but hopefully he'll find someone someday that sweeps him off his feet and makes him become a man. He belongs with someone who will make him a better person by virtue of being with her. He deserves the same thing you do, he's just not choosing it with you. So don't waste your time pining when you could be missing out on spending time with lots of other great guys that do meet those conditions."
Perhaps this is a lesson that girls must learn on their own, but I'll be damned if I don't try to teach or at least warn any daughters of mine that I see wasting their time pining over some boy who is stringing them along. This lesson didn't apply to every boy I had a crush on, just the ones who were actually friends and were spending time with me.
Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, but had I wrote that song I'd be a millionaire too! I just lived it more or less.
October 25, 2009
Diarrhea of the Mouth is.....????
What's awkward is listening to people who have it and not knowing how to handle this situation. I had a boss with this problem. His diarrhea pushed the line of sexist or just inappropriate. And it didn't really seem to hurt him since he's was making good money....moral of the story....perhaps I'm too careful with my words....professionally and personally.....which might be the cause of the following...
What's even more awkward is that I've nothing awkward left to write about and no one reading anymore so really, what's the point???
I think I'll take a hiatus until I get inspired again and until I've improved my diarrhea of the mouth for posting. As this might be an appropriate medium for it....
Until then feel free to look through my old posts. Some of them don't suck so bad.
What's even more awkward is that I've nothing awkward left to write about and no one reading anymore so really, what's the point???
I think I'll take a hiatus until I get inspired again and until I've improved my diarrhea of the mouth for posting. As this might be an appropriate medium for it....
Until then feel free to look through my old posts. Some of them don't suck so bad.
October 11, 2009
A Perm Isn't Called a Perm Because It's Temporary
Perhaps I'm the only one to experience this phenomenon, but does anyone else remember when perms were the rage in the 80's? My mom had the short perm look that she still used a curling iron on. What was the point of the perm? I still don't know. The perm look that I liked was the spiral perm that only blondes seemed to pull off or get to work right.
I guess I decided at one point that I wanted one so my mom went to cosmetology school to learn how to do a perm. No but she did go to the store and get one and the rods if she didn't already have one. And she did the perm herself. I was looking for the cute spiral perm results but that's not how it came out. My hair was fine other than not looking like I wanted it to. Amazingly without schooling and a license, my mom did not fry my hair. Well...
So I hated my hair but made due with it for awhile. I really wanted a professional to do it because I was convinced they could give me the spiral perm I wanted. So at least once or twice in my live my mom took me to a professional to have it done. It still turned out the same way. Not cool. It only added to my awkward, zitty, big giant glasses, bad perm dorkyness. As far as I can remember I was given somewhere between 2 and 4 perms in my life. Half by my mom and the other half professionally. I was never satisfied with the results so I was determined to let it all grow out to my once beautiful straight hair.
It grew and grew and grew and 18+ years later, I still have some kind of curly hair. I can't just let my hair naturally dry and get beautiful hair. I have to use heat to make it straighten it and make it look remotely presentable. But then I still have that nagging frizziness that pops up in humidity.
A few years ago a professional showed me what to do to make left over perm in my hair look good. I tried it for awhile but not for long because I suppose it was too much work for me. You see I'm pretty lazy when it comes to my hair. But a few weeks ago I decided to give it a try again to see if it took any longer than my normal routine to straighten my hair. Turns out it takes about the same time as long as I put the hair dryer on high. With the right product in my hair, it doesn't look half bad. So I decided to try it at work all last week. I might keep it up since my look has felt redundant for most of my life. Just with varying lengths. I'm just not a huge fan of overly crunchy or wet looking hair. So I suppose I'll have to experiment with various products. I just wish I'd known how to fix it back then to make it look half-way decent.
The point is, had I known all of those years ago that a perm was going to fry my hair follicles to permanently make my hair grow wavy, I wouldn't have bothered. I went so far as trying to do my own "straight perm" at home. Didn't work. I didn't even notice a difference when I was done. Am I the only one who learned this the hard way? Someone tried to tell me in college that it was puberty. She can sell it but I'm not buying it. It was that dadgum perm! You won't convince me otherwise in spite of what evidence to the contrary might be out there.
I guess I decided at one point that I wanted one so my mom went to cosmetology school to learn how to do a perm. No but she did go to the store and get one and the rods if she didn't already have one. And she did the perm herself. I was looking for the cute spiral perm results but that's not how it came out. My hair was fine other than not looking like I wanted it to. Amazingly without schooling and a license, my mom did not fry my hair. Well...
So I hated my hair but made due with it for awhile. I really wanted a professional to do it because I was convinced they could give me the spiral perm I wanted. So at least once or twice in my live my mom took me to a professional to have it done. It still turned out the same way. Not cool. It only added to my awkward, zitty, big giant glasses, bad perm dorkyness. As far as I can remember I was given somewhere between 2 and 4 perms in my life. Half by my mom and the other half professionally. I was never satisfied with the results so I was determined to let it all grow out to my once beautiful straight hair.
It grew and grew and grew and 18+ years later, I still have some kind of curly hair. I can't just let my hair naturally dry and get beautiful hair. I have to use heat to make it straighten it and make it look remotely presentable. But then I still have that nagging frizziness that pops up in humidity.
A few years ago a professional showed me what to do to make left over perm in my hair look good. I tried it for awhile but not for long because I suppose it was too much work for me. You see I'm pretty lazy when it comes to my hair. But a few weeks ago I decided to give it a try again to see if it took any longer than my normal routine to straighten my hair. Turns out it takes about the same time as long as I put the hair dryer on high. With the right product in my hair, it doesn't look half bad. So I decided to try it at work all last week. I might keep it up since my look has felt redundant for most of my life. Just with varying lengths. I'm just not a huge fan of overly crunchy or wet looking hair. So I suppose I'll have to experiment with various products. I just wish I'd known how to fix it back then to make it look half-way decent.
The point is, had I known all of those years ago that a perm was going to fry my hair follicles to permanently make my hair grow wavy, I wouldn't have bothered. I went so far as trying to do my own "straight perm" at home. Didn't work. I didn't even notice a difference when I was done. Am I the only one who learned this the hard way? Someone tried to tell me in college that it was puberty. She can sell it but I'm not buying it. It was that dadgum perm! You won't convince me otherwise in spite of what evidence to the contrary might be out there.
October 4, 2009
Online Dating Isn't for Everyone
Online dating is what about 10-12 years old now. Right? Maybe more. Before then blind dates consisted of being set up by friends, parents, co-workers, etc. Perhaps answering ads in the back of sketchy magazines, but I'm sure most normal people stayed away from that. Anyways so my mom really couldn't warn me about online dating. I'm going to share with you my one and only experience with it. I'll tell you the punch line now, it was not with my husband. I met him the old fashioned way. At church!
This happened shortly after college though I can't remember the exact year. Maybe 2002 or 2003. So I was playing around online with a dating sight and I don't exactly remember how but signed up for the 2 week free trial as a joke. So we started trolling through profiles in spite of not setting one up for me. So I ran across a guy that struck my fancy. He had a full head of hair, and confident demeanor about him which instantly attracted me. He lived about 5 states away or so. Just for fun I sent a flirty little message, figuring with a picture like that, he's probably busy with chicks that were more geographically desirable and in his own league.
Low and behold he wrote be back and seemed all flirty and interested. I can't remember the circumstances by my free trial was about to expire and it was going to cost $5 to extend it for 2 weeks or a month or something like that and I was just going to let it go, but a lady I worked with insisted I not drop this, since they'd gone through all my failed guy drama up to that point. So she paid the $5 to extend it. So I kept corresponding with him exchanging emails before my term expired.
I should have seen the writing on the wall when he was so eager to correspond with me and when flowers and candy showed up at my place of business. No guy ever sent me flowers and candy, and I was always concerned about my friends that did shower girls with gifts like that. (Flash forward to dating my husband, I told him never ever to pay to send me flowers at work, if he wanted to give me flowers he could buy the $5 bunch at the grocery store and deliver them himself or wait until he saw me later) This is because it's sign of what to expect post marriage and to a girl like me, I see this as a bottomless pit of wasted money. $5 no, but $30-$40 a pop, way too wasteful. And they don't last nearly as long as the flowers from the store do.
Red flag number 3 or perhaps 4(I believe I've covered 2 now, maybe more), the day he sent me the flowers and candy, he tracked down how to call me at work. Granted I did work customer service so he called the 800#, but still, perhaps a little to stalkerish. Though I will admit had the rest of the story gone differently, I'd look back at that as romantic rather than red flagish. At the time, I didn't see it as a red flag, but I should have. Several of my friends had gotten married right out of college or were engaged and I had no prospects on the horizon, so I though what the hell. Why not take a chance. I generally learn my lesson after one time.
So anyways after that we exchanged phone numbers and began talking on the phone on top of emailing. After some time we were curious enough to meet, but I was never going to go meet a stranger by myself. He offered to come visit me. My friends were well aware of this and were on standby for the weekend in case it didn't go well. So I go to the airport to pick him up and what I had pictured in my head and what I picked up didn't quite match up. Do you remember how I said full head of hair and confident demeanor? The picture was clearly several years old, which I can deal with thinning hair, when someone carries them self with confidence. I knew in the first instance I saw him that I wasn't attracted to him. He looked as if he was 30lbs lighter than me dripping wet, which I've hung out with plenty guys my height or shorter, and they still weren't that lite. His shoulders were hunched over and he carried himself as if he was going to get rejected. Why did he even come?!?!
So I knew from that moment it was going to be a LONG weekend. Thank God for my friends! So that I didn't have to be alone with him much. And he stayed in a hotel, because I'm not an idiot. So it started off awkward and it just got worse from there. Want to know why? He kept fishing for complements! I'm happy to give a complement unsolicited if I believe it's deserved, but when someone is fishing for one, I won't even throw the fisher a bone. Perhaps that's how I added to the awkwardness that weekend. But I refused to give some BS "you're so great" when I didn't believe it. That's not to say he wasn't a nice guy. He really was, we just weren't a match and I knew it, I just felt bad for him and me both that we had to make it through the weekend. And I didn't know how to let him down easily. Perhaps it was because of immaturity, perhaps I was just chicken. Either way, the awkwardness still wasn't over.
This was because rather than accept it wasn't a match, he had to call me out on not biting while he was fishing. I think also on my friends being around the whole time. I suppose if that's what he was expecting, he deserved an explanation. But I didn't know how to be nice about it. Again either immaturity or chicken or both.
Anyways the weekend finally ended and I was glad to drop him off at the airport and send him on his way. I do remember feeling a little guilt because it wasn't cheap to fly out to see me and stay in a hotel etc. But, it was as much a risk on his part as it was on mine. And one shouldn't start a relationship based on guilt. I do hope he found a good match for him. My friends and I had a laugh about it for years. I hope he was able to laugh about it to. I never saw or spoke to him again after that. And I never ever ever was tempted to try online dating sites ever again. Though I know of people that it's worked for. It just wasn't my cup of tea.
This happened shortly after college though I can't remember the exact year. Maybe 2002 or 2003. So I was playing around online with a dating sight and I don't exactly remember how but signed up for the 2 week free trial as a joke. So we started trolling through profiles in spite of not setting one up for me. So I ran across a guy that struck my fancy. He had a full head of hair, and confident demeanor about him which instantly attracted me. He lived about 5 states away or so. Just for fun I sent a flirty little message, figuring with a picture like that, he's probably busy with chicks that were more geographically desirable and in his own league.
Low and behold he wrote be back and seemed all flirty and interested. I can't remember the circumstances by my free trial was about to expire and it was going to cost $5 to extend it for 2 weeks or a month or something like that and I was just going to let it go, but a lady I worked with insisted I not drop this, since they'd gone through all my failed guy drama up to that point. So she paid the $5 to extend it. So I kept corresponding with him exchanging emails before my term expired.
I should have seen the writing on the wall when he was so eager to correspond with me and when flowers and candy showed up at my place of business. No guy ever sent me flowers and candy, and I was always concerned about my friends that did shower girls with gifts like that. (Flash forward to dating my husband, I told him never ever to pay to send me flowers at work, if he wanted to give me flowers he could buy the $5 bunch at the grocery store and deliver them himself or wait until he saw me later) This is because it's sign of what to expect post marriage and to a girl like me, I see this as a bottomless pit of wasted money. $5 no, but $30-$40 a pop, way too wasteful. And they don't last nearly as long as the flowers from the store do.
Red flag number 3 or perhaps 4(I believe I've covered 2 now, maybe more), the day he sent me the flowers and candy, he tracked down how to call me at work. Granted I did work customer service so he called the 800#, but still, perhaps a little to stalkerish. Though I will admit had the rest of the story gone differently, I'd look back at that as romantic rather than red flagish. At the time, I didn't see it as a red flag, but I should have. Several of my friends had gotten married right out of college or were engaged and I had no prospects on the horizon, so I though what the hell. Why not take a chance. I generally learn my lesson after one time.
So anyways after that we exchanged phone numbers and began talking on the phone on top of emailing. After some time we were curious enough to meet, but I was never going to go meet a stranger by myself. He offered to come visit me. My friends were well aware of this and were on standby for the weekend in case it didn't go well. So I go to the airport to pick him up and what I had pictured in my head and what I picked up didn't quite match up. Do you remember how I said full head of hair and confident demeanor? The picture was clearly several years old, which I can deal with thinning hair, when someone carries them self with confidence. I knew in the first instance I saw him that I wasn't attracted to him. He looked as if he was 30lbs lighter than me dripping wet, which I've hung out with plenty guys my height or shorter, and they still weren't that lite. His shoulders were hunched over and he carried himself as if he was going to get rejected. Why did he even come?!?!
So I knew from that moment it was going to be a LONG weekend. Thank God for my friends! So that I didn't have to be alone with him much. And he stayed in a hotel, because I'm not an idiot. So it started off awkward and it just got worse from there. Want to know why? He kept fishing for complements! I'm happy to give a complement unsolicited if I believe it's deserved, but when someone is fishing for one, I won't even throw the fisher a bone. Perhaps that's how I added to the awkwardness that weekend. But I refused to give some BS "you're so great" when I didn't believe it. That's not to say he wasn't a nice guy. He really was, we just weren't a match and I knew it, I just felt bad for him and me both that we had to make it through the weekend. And I didn't know how to let him down easily. Perhaps it was because of immaturity, perhaps I was just chicken. Either way, the awkwardness still wasn't over.
This was because rather than accept it wasn't a match, he had to call me out on not biting while he was fishing. I think also on my friends being around the whole time. I suppose if that's what he was expecting, he deserved an explanation. But I didn't know how to be nice about it. Again either immaturity or chicken or both.
Anyways the weekend finally ended and I was glad to drop him off at the airport and send him on his way. I do remember feeling a little guilt because it wasn't cheap to fly out to see me and stay in a hotel etc. But, it was as much a risk on his part as it was on mine. And one shouldn't start a relationship based on guilt. I do hope he found a good match for him. My friends and I had a laugh about it for years. I hope he was able to laugh about it to. I never saw or spoke to him again after that. And I never ever ever was tempted to try online dating sites ever again. Though I know of people that it's worked for. It just wasn't my cup of tea.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)