May 17, 2009

There is Spackle on Your Colon...WHAT?!?!?

This post is inspired by those disgusting commercials I keep hearing on the radio for colon cleanses. Maybe this wasn't so much the responsibility of my mother to teach me as my doctor. Or her doctor for that matter so she could know to teach me. None-the-less neither of these two people EVER told me I should worry about 5 lbs of spackle on my colon walls!!! But there it is on the radio so it MUST be true.

After hearing the commercial for the 50th time and contemplating 5 lbs of spackle on my colon wall, I was this (--) close to making an appointment with my doctor to ask her about the spackle on my colon wall and the best way to get rid of it. That would have been a very awkward conversation. "Doc, I'm terrified of the spackle on my colon walls. I don't want to die of spackle build up...why didn't you ever discuss this with me on my routine yearly check ups?" How awkward it would be to have your doctor laugh hysterically at you, when you didn't tell a joke.

It was this picture in my mind that lead me back to reason. If there were really 5 lbs of spackle on my colon wall, I would be terribly sick or in pain. We wouldn't be dying of the swine flu, we'd be dropping like flies from the full body infection from the 5 lbs of spackle that had been festering and growing on our colon walls for the last however many years. Seriously!!! It would be an epidemic of devastating proportions, and the colon cleanse inventors would have won a noble prize for saving humanity from certain early deaths. Our doctors would prescribing colonics and colon cleanses on a monthly basis to keep us alive since our bodies weren't doing their jobs right.

I'm glad reason and logic saved me from perhaps the most awkward conversation ever in my life.


Mr. McFartnuggets said...

You can't blame the colon for putting some spackle up, it's gotta look nice for all the visitors it's constantly entertaining.

LadyK said...

Thanks for this post, it cracked me up. So did Mr. McFartnuggets. haha

colonics said...

Yes, you should not blame the colon for this...Its one only matter.