May 31, 2009

How to Grow Old Gracefully While Fighting the Signs of Age

So I turned 31 about a week and a half ago and we'll say missed a post due to events that happened to take place during that time. My husband, who is 36, said that turning 30 wasn't so bad for him, but 31 was, because it meant he was now "into his 30s." Turning 30 was a breeze but now that I'm "into my 30's," I find myself obsessing more and more about lines and wrinkles and discolorations on my face as well as the increasing number of gray hairs I'm finding. I'm spending more money than ever on crap to try and fix or prevent things from getting worse.

A couple of years ago I went and had a spa facial done, and before hand they have you fill out a form letting them know what kinds of products you are using and what your concerns are. I was washing my face with soap and my biggest concern was the discolorations. The lady told me soap is bad. What!!! My mother never told me not to use soap on my face! I'd been using it for the last 10 years or so. They were trying to sell me their products though which were much more expensive than I was willing to pay for. So maybe soap is why my skin is still hideous. Or maybe it's just that I'm more sensitive to how it looks now that I'm into my 30s. Maybe if I'd obsessed about it half as much in my 20s, it would look much better now. I don't really know. I did however wear sunscreen most if not all of the time so I think my spots are from birth control. But I don't know if going off of it will clear it up or not.

I probably didn't worry about my skin in my 20's because I spent it worrying about my gray hair. My first gray hair was discovered in a foreign country at 19. Well I didn't worry about it so much as I made the decision to start dying it to hide the gray hair. The older I get the more I'm getting. This puts me in a very awkward place because I'm a brunette and I don't have enough gray to go blond (which would make me look silly), but I'm getting more and more gray that covering it up with dye just isn't lasting long. And I feel I'm much to young to go platinum silver (which I love) even if I had enough gray hair to warrant it. And I much too cheap a person to keep up with what ever method I choose. Hmmm what's woman to do?

Either way, I don't much like obsessing over anything whether it's the small lines or wrinkles around my eyes or a new gray hair that I haven't pulled out yet. It is kind of awkward explaining to a coworker that you are indeed 10 years younger than he is and that he's either terribly not smooth with the ladies and has just sent you into a horrible depression as he's just robbed you of 10 years of youthful beauty. I don't know who felt more awkward after that conversation, me or him. I'm guessing he didn't get it based on other short sighted comments he's made, so probably I felt the most awkward after that conversation. After all, I'm the one obsessing. I suppose it goes along with much of the rest of my life, a great big pile of awkward fun....

This 41 looking 31 year old is open to any tips and secrets you all might have for me.

May 17, 2009

There is Spackle on Your Colon...WHAT?!?!?

This post is inspired by those disgusting commercials I keep hearing on the radio for colon cleanses. Maybe this wasn't so much the responsibility of my mother to teach me as my doctor. Or her doctor for that matter so she could know to teach me. None-the-less neither of these two people EVER told me I should worry about 5 lbs of spackle on my colon walls!!! But there it is on the radio so it MUST be true.

After hearing the commercial for the 50th time and contemplating 5 lbs of spackle on my colon wall, I was this (--) close to making an appointment with my doctor to ask her about the spackle on my colon wall and the best way to get rid of it. That would have been a very awkward conversation. "Doc, I'm terrified of the spackle on my colon walls. I don't want to die of spackle build up...why didn't you ever discuss this with me on my routine yearly check ups?" How awkward it would be to have your doctor laugh hysterically at you, when you didn't tell a joke.

It was this picture in my mind that lead me back to reason. If there were really 5 lbs of spackle on my colon wall, I would be terribly sick or in pain. We wouldn't be dying of the swine flu, we'd be dropping like flies from the full body infection from the 5 lbs of spackle that had been festering and growing on our colon walls for the last however many years. Seriously!!! It would be an epidemic of devastating proportions, and the colon cleanse inventors would have won a noble prize for saving humanity from certain early deaths. Our doctors would prescribing colonics and colon cleanses on a monthly basis to keep us alive since our bodies weren't doing their jobs right.

I'm glad reason and logic saved me from perhaps the most awkward conversation ever in my life.

May 11, 2009

Ode to Bill O'Reilly's Mom!

Continuing on with the mother's day theme, here's a tribute to Bill O'Reilly's mom.
The following video is rated R for language. Bill O'Reilly's language. I don't know how many of you have seen the Bill O'Reilly flip out when he was on Access Hollywood. But if not here it is....

What I'm leading up to is our discovery of the "Dance Remix" to it. Which is a heavier R rating than the original, so be wary of your kids seeing it. This is really very hilarious and made possible by Bill O'Reilly's mom not teaching him how to handle stressful situations with grace. I hope he takes good care of her. I'm guessing she put up with a lot...Enjoy!!!

May 10, 2009

Happy Mother's Day!!!

This site is dedicated to my mother, who made the idea for this site possible with her mothering and raising me to be independent and learn many lessons though experience.

And to all the mothers who let us all learn life's awkward lessons through experience.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!!! I Love You!!!

May 3, 2009

Not Everyone Has Dignity in Public Restrooms

This will be a re post of another blog I had Sunshine Insight, that very few of you probably saw. That is because it was the first post, which was way before I got it posted on the various blog directories, unless you looked at the archive on it. Anyways the topic is basically etiquette in public restrooms. Something I feel passionately opinionated about. I suppose because my mom must have taught me good bathroom manners, or instilled a sense of private prudeness. (this is a good thing to me) What she didn't or couldn't really prepare me for was the behavior of others in public restrooms that don't meet my quite possibly unreasonably high standards. But then again, cell phones weren't widely utilized when I was a kid. But I'm quite certain there are a large number of you that agree with me even though I already know a large number of you are going to think I need help. But I'm not sure there's much more awkward than having to use an occupied public restroom. It's something I think most of us get used to as a matter of survival. And don't think I don't feel sympathy for the guys who have to stand shoulder to shoulder. Some of my below "rules" would still apply there in my mind. I'd be in a stall every time regardless of what I were doing if I were a guy. Anyways I hope you get a laugh from it......Enjoy....

Am I the only one that wonders this? Since I am a woman, I only have the vantage point of a woman. But how many times do I have to walk into a public restroom that has been freshly stinkified?? I got the inspiration for this working a temp job at a place that had a bathroom with 4 stalls. Now most of the employees were women and there were quite a few, so the probability of being in there while others were in there was relatively high. However, it was possible to get some alone time in there and I completely understand people taking advantage of that alone time because when you gotta go, you gotta go at the risk of major medical problems later.

The problem that I have is when someone walks into a bathroom that is occupied and doesn’t follow the unspoken rules of public restroom etiquette. For example, if I’m already in a stall and you need to make a stinky, then do your best to wait until I leave. If the person occupying the stall is also making a stinky then that rule doesn’t apply. Also if there are 4 stalls when you walk in, and I’ve taken the first or last stall, don’t take the stall right next to me unless the other 2 stalls are just rank and filthy. There’s no need to crowd me when I’m peeing. I wouldn’t do it to you so do me the same courtesy.

I believe women ought to approach the bathroom as I imagine guys do. When you open the bathroom door, put your guy hat on and quickly process your options so as to seem the least gay. Only in the females’ case, I look at it as the respecting yours and the others’ personal space. I realize that not all women care if another woman hears them taking care of business. But I won’t even pee in front of my husband. Why would I want another woman to listen to my business? Which brings me to another rule. Don’t talk to me while I’m doing my business. It really has nothing to do with not being able to pee and talk at the same time as it does sharing a private conversation with the rest of the women in the bathroom. Even though they have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m not as a stickler for this rule as some of the others. I’m more of a go with the flow as long as you don’t pick the stall right next to me while conversing with me. And if the conversation could be construed as rude, immature, or just plain ridiculous, just save it.

Since I have learned that very few women have dignity when it comes to the bathroom, I have come up with another rule for common courtesy in the bathroom. If you must make an ungodly noise while in the bathroom, smelly or not, please have the dignity to not show your face to me. I don’t want to look you in the eye and know what disturbing sounds you are capable of making, whether I know you or not. In the work place, I may not know you well but I most likely will see your face again, and there’s no telling if I may have to work with you in the future. You and I both know that if we have to sit in a meeting together, all I will be able to think about is how gross and undignified I think you are because you dared show your face to me in the bathroom. I mean how difficult is it to sit and wait 30 seconds for me to leave, especially when you hear me washing my hands? If I had a dollar for every time a woman made a horrendous noise while I’m washing my hands, I’d probably be retired.

That leads me to my next rule in the bathroom. WASH YOUR FREAKIN HANDS WHEN YOU’RE DONE!!! It’s so gross to be at the sink and see someone come out of a stall behind you and go straight for the door. That is the reason why bathroom doors are so disgustingly dirty. There is no reason for that. If we all washed our hands it wouldn’t be as much of an issue. I suppose that all public restrooms could do us a favor by making sure that the paper towels and trashcan are located right next to the door so that those of us that do wash don’t have to touch the door. Better yet, just make them censored doors. Toilets and sinks are now censored so we don’t have to touch and spread germies. I’ve even seen censored paper towel dispensers. So it makes sense to have automatic doors doesn’t it? That way we don’t have to worry about touching a tainted door or kicking it open or whatever.

Oh and I don’t want to leave out the rudeness of talking on the phone while in said public bathroom on the pot. Seriously, is your conversation so important that it can’t wait a few minutes? It makes us other users weired out to hear a one sided conversation where we have to guess the other side of the conversation. “nothing”. Presumably a response to “What are you doing”….where the more appropriate response would be, “I brought you into the bathroom with me, can you tell?”I once worked a temp job where the boss walked around with a blue-tooth attached to his ear most of the day. Many times he’d walk out the door down the hall to the right while in a conversation, not with me. The only thing I knew to be down the hall to the right was the bathroom. He’d always come back a few minutes later still talking on that thing. I hope and pray that the person on the other end of that conversation was family only. Which is still rude, but much more understandable and less offensive than business associates. I always wondered if he was alone in the bathroom or if there were ever other men in there while he was talking on the phone. I can only assume one can never ever always have a public bathroom to themselves.


Don’t bring your phone into the bathroom, and if you do, never under any circumstances answer it even if it is family. It can wait a few minutes until your done. Trust me. No phone call is so important that you must attend to it while in the bathroom. And if it is, hold off on going to the bathroom until after your conversation is through.There I've said my peace, but I reserve the right to comment more on this subject later.